home, where i wanted to go, home

[jazzfish]

My apartment is further from the skytrain than I'd like, the heating is uneven, and most importantly The Rent Is Too Damn High.

And yet I don't want to move.

Since leaving home in 1995 I've moved thirteen times. That's counting one dorm room, and one move from a basement to an attic, but not the places I lived for less than a month. Still. You'd think I'd be used to it by now.

So I think about packing everything into boxes again, and changing my address in a dozen places, and renting a truck, and just living somewhere different, and I start to ... not panic, not exactly. It's somewhere between "scared" and "just don't wanna."

Something about this apartment feels like home, like permanence, in a way that nothing else ever has. There's light, and space, and a sense of having chosen to be here.

And today in the too-bright autumn sunshine I saw a perfect V of Canada geese fly behind the hotel across the way.

I like it here.

Which doesn't make the rent any less Damn High.

Comments

[rainbowk.livejournal.com]

I've loved everywhere I've lived, for all sorts of reasons. Eventually, I had to ask, do I love it because I always live in fabulous places or because I have some internal push to love it and therefore always find something to love? Maybe it's both.

Your current apartment is amazing, it's true. And the process of moving is really kind of shitty and irritating, also true. All of it is true.

Still, this is Vancouver. There are lots of amazing places to live, with a view of the mountains, with light and space. You will still have chosen to live here. That can still be the powerful and transformative choice that you have made.

[jazzfish]

:) That works.

I never felt like I had a choice in where I lived until I left Blacksburg, so I never let myself like it or not like it. Combination of not wanting to get emotionally attached to something I can't change, and to something that's going to be changed for me in a couple of years regardless.

I liked my apartment(s) in McLean (DC area) well enough but they always felt temporary. I knew I wasn't going to be staying there forever.

I guess this is the first place I've let myself fall in love with.

Still, this is Vancouver. There are lots of amazing places to live, with a view of the mountains, with light and space.

*nod* This is very true. Hard to hold onto when faced with the need to box everything up again, and still true.