... thanks?

Oct. 9th, 2017 09:47 pm
jazzfish: a black-haired man with a big sword. blood stains the snow behind (Eddard Stark)
I don't even know what to say.

I'm thankful for Erin, for my friends, for having a place to live and a job that pays me and isn't destroying my body or soul. I'm thankful that I have the space to sort out what I'm looking for and what I'm doing. I'm thankful that we (I) (we) can start the citizenship application process, that the timeline has been moved up by a year.

I'm thankful that I had the day off, and that I could choose to spend some of it helping a new person pack for moving. And I'm thankful that I'm together enough that I could see warning signs and be wary of further entanglement with that person.

I miss Emily, and my kittens (*sniffle*), and a space that's mine with all my stuff in. I miss Erin though that at least solves itself every few weeks.

I guess I'm thankful that I can feel that.

I'm thankful that I'm still here, ultimately.
jazzfish: Jazz Fish: beret, sunglasses, saxophone (Default)
This year we're not really celebrating Canucksgiving. We had a quietish weekend at home, since [personal profile] uilos did *not* fly out to the southern tip of the Outer Banks in a hurricane. I am, however, drinking an Orange Julius in YVR and waiting to board a plane to SFO, and thence to DC for a little over twenty-four hours and then to Martha's Vineyard for the VP reunion.

It's a bit sad to miss out on an opportunity to gorge on good foods in good company, though. [personal profile] uilos is already talking about cooking a turkey for Yanksgiving next month. I am not objecting to this plan in the slightest.

The lack of a big celebratory feast makes the holiday feel smaller, more compact, more personal. I'm okay with that. The couple of things I'm most thankful for are pretty personal too.

There's [personal profile] uilos, obviously. I can say "Graydon has spoiled you for epic fantasy, hasn't he?" and she nods sorrowfully and then we spend the next five minutes talking about whether The March North ought to be labeled Book 0 Of The Commonweal. Such people are to be treasured, and you can't have this one because I found her first. (I mean, unless she decides she wants to.) Also, it is now and not seven years ago, and Now Is Not Then (something that perhaps she realised before I did), and while I wasn't looking we seem to have built ourselves a solid foundation for the next while.
"Only another fifty years,"
I say, "and then I promise
to let you go."
--Elise Matthessen, "Response ..."
And if Thanksgiving came in mid-September instead of mid-October, there it would have stayed, with probably some added grumbling about things that aren't as bad as I complain about them to be. Instead I get green-haired Erin, and what seems so far to be exactly the right relationship at exactly the right time. Erin, who patiently wormed her way past my defences, who thrives on touch as much as I do, who has become a Significant Presence in my life far faster than I would have ever expected. I am deeply curious to see the shape that this takes as it continues to develop; meanwhile, I'm thankful that someone who meshes so well with my quirks has dropped out of the north and into my life.

(I am not nearly prepared to quote poetry about Erin. I am barely ready to quote poetry to her.)

Happy Thanksgiving, all.
jazzfish: Jazz Fish: beret, sunglasses, saxophone (Default)
Let the fall leaves fall
And the cold snow snow
And the rain rain rain 'til April.
Our coats are warm
And the pantry's full
And there's cake upon the table.

--Clyde Watson, from "Father Fox's Pennyrhymes"
If you asked, I'd tell you that I've been extremely lucky, much of it in ways that aren't directly traceable to any action on my part at all. To take a random example from this past year: I bought a nice carbon-fibre viola dyed dark green. When it arrived, the colour turned out to be pretty unpleasant... but the viola had been irreparably damaged in shipping. The company had to make & send another one, and I was able to get the replacement in basic black *and* get my money back for the colour upgrade.

Or, you know, being here at all. Sitting on my favorite childhood couch, with a healthy fourteen-year-old kitten sniffing my toes while the ill-but-manageable sixteen-year-old cat snores in the far bedroom. Listening to the thumping of my partner mangling the turkey left over from yesterday's Thanksgiving dinner, at which we had a few good friends and a really good time. Watching the rain on the river from the 31st floor, in an apartment that's big enough to hold all our stuff while still being reasonably affordable and not too far from the city. Living in Canada as a permanent resident, with health care and Employment Insurance and all that social-safety-net jazz. Employed, relatively quickly, at a job that isn't killing me. Still being alive.

Sometimes things just work out, and today I'm very thankful that they have.
jazzfish: Jazz Fish: beret, sunglasses, saxophone (Default)
This year I'm most thankful for my ex-job. I'm thankful that it got me here, into permanent residency, and paid for two of us to live quite well for quite awhile. And now I'm thankful that it went away at what looks more and more like exactly the right time.

I'm also thankful that I'm in a situation where I can not have a job. I have the time and space to let my brain decompress from years and years of stress and expectations and trying to fit into the wrong boxes, and I have health insurance and savings and [personal profile] uilos's job.

I am thankful that Chaos has come out the other side of thyroid problems and is still his happy stubborn friendly self, and that Kai enjoys the hardwood floor here enough to bat toys up and down it at three in the morning. I'm thankful that they both come and sit with me from time to time.

I'm thankful for friends: local or far-away, in frequent contact or seen only rarely or ignored for far too long. I miss you non-gender-specific guys. I hope to be better about staying in contact and reaching out now that my brain has started to regrow, but no promises.

And always, always, for [personal profile] uilos. Love you.
jazzfish: Randall Munroe, xkcd180 ("If you die in Canada, you die in Real Life!") (Canada)
Happy Canucksgiving! Or, happy Dread Pirate Columbus day, for those of you south of the border.

As always I'm most thankful for the people around me. For an introvert with a mild case of misanthropy I do seem to enjoy company. Note that "around" is doing a lot of lifting in that sentence. It covers not only, say, [personal profile] uilos, or the people coming over in a couple of hours to play games and eat turkey, but also the ones I owe email to, and who offer quiet support in comments, and that sort of thing.

(I am also thankful for aged grumpy kittens.)

I'm sort of thankful that every year I move a little closer towards being who I want to be, and every year I redefine what that will look like. Sometime in the past couple of years it's shifted from "being not broken" to "avoiding tripping over the broken bits" to "accepting that being broken is part of who i am, and only part." Baby steps.

And I'm thankful that Citizenship & Immigration Canada believes in underpromising and overdelivering, and that as of Friday they're looking closely enough at our permanent-resident application to request our immigration medical exams.
jazzfish: a black-haired man with a big sword. blood stains the snow behind (Eddard Stark)
This year I'm mostly thankful for people.

People who give me good books.

Who've been around to talk to.

Who've listened.

Who've offered support when I needed it.

Who've nudged me when I've been collapsing back into myself.

I mean, I'm thankful for the cats and the fireplace and Vancouver even in the permarain and all that. But really, except for the cats that would all be a lot less without friends.

Thank you.

(And this year ought to be the last year I do this on Yanksgiving.)
jazzfish: A cartoon guy with his hands in the air saying "Woot." (Woot.)
Right, Thanksgiving. I would have done this on the proper day except I was busy having my brain rearranged. May as well stick to the US schedule for one more year.

I'm thankful for #VPXV. For the experience itself, of course, but also for the reminder / reinforcement /reprogramming that writing stories is What I Do. And for the community, for the twenty-seven other writers and eight and a half instructors and uncounted staff, many of whose chatterings I can keep up with on a daily basis thanks to Twitter. ("Thankful for Twitter" being one of those things I never, ever, thought I'd say.)

I'm thankful that I got to go back to DC a couple weeks ago and see an awful lot of good friends. I'm thankful that I know [livejournal.com profile] vvalkyri, who is a fantastic native guide. (Seriously, if she ever says "it's right around here, and it's neat," take the few minutes to go see whatever it is. The old Greyhound station on New York Avenue has been refurbished into this spectacular 1930s art-deco museum thing, and I would never have known.) I'm overwhelmed and thankful that there were two dozen people willing to give up their Saturday morning to come have dim sum with us, including two who came down from Philly.

I'm thankful that I could go down to Seattle for the VNV concert last night. That's a combination of 'have the money to do so,' 'have a job that's flexible enough that it doesn't mind me being late to work this morning,' and 'have a partner who's supportive of my efforts to meet cute chicks on the internet.' Incidentally, both the concert and J-- from Seattle were pretty cool.

I'm thankful that I get to live in Vancouver, which seems to be the perfect city for me even if right now the rain is falling sideways, and I'm deeply thankful that I get to live here with [personal profile] uilos, who just made a dozen jars of salsa verde.

Life is, overall, pretty decent. Except that now I have to go return the rental car, in the sideways rain.


Nov. 25th, 2010 06:25 pm
jazzfish: Jazz Fish: beret, sunglasses, saxophone (Default)
Meh. I'm thankful for friends, more than anything. For [livejournal.com profile] darkfyre_muse and [livejournal.com profile] elf and [livejournal.com profile] babushek and everyone else who's asked me "how are you doing?", or offered *hug*s, or listened when I needed to talk and had good and wise and comforting things to say. For an old acquaintance who I've seen maybe a half-dozen times in the last fifteen years, who looked me in the eye and said "Take care of yourself, okay?" and meant it, because she was concerned about me; for a new friend who has twice told me something I needed to hear at exactly the right time. For [personal profile] uilos, for whom words are inadequate.

I'm thankful for my job, both that I have one that doesn't suck and that it's enabling me to flee to Vancouver where (I hope) I belong. I'm thankful that I'm self-sufficient and debt-free and could drop two grand on a new laptop a month ago.

I'm thankful for writing, though it doesn't really seem that way right now. (But I am a writer, and I will finish the shit that I started.) I'm thankful for all the stories that have been a part of my life.

I'm thankful for the chance to Get My Shit Together, because the only way out is through.

I'm thankful for the cat who was sitting on my arm half an hour ago, and the cat who's curled up next to me right now, and all the other cats who have ever stopped by to say hello to me.

Mostly, though, I'm thankful for [personal profile] uilos.
jazzfish: a black-haired man with a big sword. blood stains the snow behind (Eddard Stark)
I'm thankful for loved ones, and crushes, and close friends. Especially for [livejournal.com profile] elf and [livejournal.com profile] babushek and [livejournal.com profile] jude, all of whom have gone above and beyond in the last three months.

For the Internet, and for having had it in my pocket for nearly a year now.

For the Arlington Board Gamers, the Cat Vacuuming Society, and the Wednesday Night Shakespeare Crowd.

For my job, frustrating as it is some days, and for my non-frustrating boss.

And most especially for the fog outside my window, swallowing the signal tower across the way.
jazzfish: A cartoon guy with his hands in the air saying "Woot." (Woot.)
I'm thankful for people who care about me. I'm thankful for the ones who keep me sociable, who call or email or come over to game or drag me off to concerts. I'm thankful for the Shakespeare Theatre crowd from last year, and that we seem to be still doing things sporadically this year.

I'm thankful for the rather silly snoring kittens who like to curl up with me. I'm thankful for my cute hamster, and that she's starting to get use to hands.

I'm thankful for a job that doesn't suck, a boss who rocks, a roof over my head, books on my walls, and internet on tap.

I'm especially thankful that I get to live with [livejournal.com profile] uilos and see her most every day, and that I get to run away with [livejournal.com profile] nixve every so often.


Nov. 22nd, 2007 08:51 pm
jazzfish: Windows error message "Error 255: Too many errors." (Too many errors)
I'm thankful that I know enough about my computer that, when it gets hit by two power blips, the second when it's trying to restart from the first, and something gets fried in the hard drive, I can fix it. Eventually. I hope.

I'm thankful that I bought a laptop three months ago so that I can a) look for solutions and b) have a computer while Godot is down.

I'm thankful that my teacups are stoneware, so I can make popovers in them even though I don't have any muffin pans.
jazzfish: Jazz Fish: beret, sunglasses, saxophone (Default)
The original plan had been to have no turkey this year, for reasons that more or less escape me. Perhaps there was plenty of ham left over from get-well gifts from Mom's surgery, perhaps they just didn't want to deal with the hassle. But my sister brought her boyfriend and their roommate over for lunch, and since those two are Burly Men in their early twenties there was a need for more food than just the ham. So there was turkey after all. And Thanksgiving was saved, yay.

My niece (still weird to type that) is now two, talking just a bit, and recognising me by sight and name. Very odd. I'm still not terribly sure what to do with her. I suppose it'll get easier as she develops thought processes.

I suppose I do celebrate Thanksgiving as an actual holiday, in a way. Like so many other people I list the things for which I'm thankful. (Tomorrow I shall celebrate Buy-Nothing Day in the obvious fashion.)

I'm thankful for [livejournal.com profile] uilos, who's a wonderful person with whom to share smiles and books and life.

For [livejournal.com profile] nixve, for songs and late-night conversation and the future.

For the (extended) family I choose, collectively and individually, for listening and talking and laughing and sometimes even understanding.

For my apartment, the books that fill it, the job that lets me keep it, and the friends who visit it from time to time.

For the family I was born to, since they haven't yet disowned me. Only a matter of time; but for now it's all good.

For Amanda's list.
jazzfish: Jazz Fish: beret, sunglasses, saxophone (Default)
Just finished reading Robert Penn Warren's absolutely brilliant All the King's Men, an American political novel based loosely on the life of Louisiana graftsman and governor Huey Long. Huey's become mildly fascinating to me in the last couple of weeks; I suspect I need to track down the 1970 biography. Anyway, yesterday or today it occurred to me that Pop Shackelford grew up in Louisiana, and would have been nineteen when Huey was shot. One more thing I can't ask about.

Ten-year high school reunion on Satyrday night. I went and looked over the list of people likely to show up (the ones who've written with brief bios of what they've been doing for the last ten years), and it suddenly hit me that I just don't care about (we'll be generous and say) 80% of my classmates. I'm unsure why I spent actual money for the privilege of standing around with them. Maybe I should go to the winter guard reunion lunch after all.

The Taylor family Thanksgiving movie this year ended up being Goblet of Fire. It was all right. About five minutes in I realised I was disliking it simply because the story wasn't self-contained; it took me another three hours to generalise that into "I dislike most stories that aren't self-contained." This just comes out most clearly in movies, where you can be utterly immersed in the world and trips to the Department of Backstory[1] stick out as the devices they clearly are. (Film for the most part hasn't gotten beyond voice-overs and "As you know, Bob.") The techniques tend to be smoother in books, somehow, or maybe I'm just more used to and accepting of them. Food for thought.

[1] Thanks to the wondrous [livejournal.com profile] cleolinda for that phrase.

Mom finally got in from Arkansas yesterday; Dad and a trailerload of stuff arrived, oh, about a week ago. Maybe two. The house is filled with boxes of stuff; the garage, packed full of unfamiliar furniture. Disconcerting.

Handed in my two-week notice at Walden's a week ago. Manager churn coupled with typical useless holiday help resulted in the store being an utter wreck, and I have no desire to be told to put it right for my measly pay. Measliness of said pay having been driven home on the discovery that said useless holiday help makes roughly 15% more than I do. This I don't need.

Thankful? I'm thankful I'm able to write. I'm thankful I've got good friends, and family. I'm thankful I'm not outside. I'm thankful I'm not who I was ten years ago.


Nov. 25th, 2004 01:20 pm
jazzfish: Jazz Fish: beret, sunglasses, saxophone (Default)
Happy ThanksIndians Day to everyone.

Survived one set of family, working on the second. I'm thankful I got to see Pop.

Just read through ?skip=475. I'm thankful for Pop's DSL connection.

Got a couple posts written on Dana but no wireless by which to post them. I'm thankful I can write on the go now.

And now I think I hear a turkey calling my name.
jazzfish: a black-haired man with a big sword. blood stains the snow behind (Eddard Stark)
Far too funny: Rise of the Mushroom Kingdom and Rise of the Mushroom Kingdom 2. [livejournal.com profile] skreidle, you made my day with these.

Lot 189: and J. thought his was expensive and cool. . .

The Flight to India: "Over the next few years, we can expect to encounter a lot less enthusiasm for free trade and globalisation in the parties and the newspapers which represent them. Free trade is fine, as long as it affects someone else's job."

Perhaps this Christmas my cousins will get me a Pope Innocent III action figure, complete with "Sons of Hohenstaufen, kiss my ass!" scroll. [Although one of the commentors in the Making Light thread says "My Jesus action figure could kick your Pope action figure any day of the week. And if Sunday wasn't a day of rest, he'd kick it twice.."]

Happy ThanksIndians day.

Jack Prelutsky pretty well sums up my ideas of thankfulness.

But, with the obligatory cynicism out of the way. . . )


jazzfish: Jazz Fish: beret, sunglasses, saxophone (Default)
Tucker McKinnon


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"Jazz Fish, a saxophone playing wanderer, finds himself in Mamboland at a critical phase in his life." --Howie Green, on his book Jazz Fish Zen

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