jazzfish: Alien holding a cat: "It's vibrating"; other alien: "That means it's working" (happy vibrating cat)
Took Mr Tuppert in to the vet today for his annual vaccines. Apparently when you get a rabies shot they give you a cute lil tag. I may put that on his collar, Just In Case. The odds of him getting out are basically nil but why take chances.

He's got a heart murmur, but it looks like that came up last time, and it's not gotten any worse, so that's just a Thing That Exists. Between that, the one tooth that the vet's been warning me about since he arrived, and what might be early-stage arthritis, this is a cat that is made of Problems (But Not Yet). I'm okay with that. Chaos started showing wear at about this point (thirteen-ish) as well, and he got another four years after that.

I did have a moment of "oh no" when the vet-tech took him to the back for shots and blood-drawing. Nothing real or serious, just the sudden realisation that I'm not nearly ready for him to go away, to be taken into a room by a kind and gentle tech and not come back out again. Of course I'll be there when it happens, this time, but still.

When we got home I gave him a little bit of tunafish, and filled up his treat-puzzle with treats. I don't think he's gotten -all- of them yet but he certainly spent some good time snuffling and crunching. Currently he is sacked out on the bed Recovering. Seems fair.
jazzfish: Jazz Fish: beret, sunglasses, saxophone (Default)
Happy Canucksgiving. In light of a recent proclamation from the US Executive Office, do remember that Christopher Columbus is the second-most hated explorer of all time, behind only Internet Explorer.

I'm thankful that citizenship (and before that permanent residency) went through, and I can be unemployed and jobhunting and not have to worry quite so much about health care. I'm thankful for the roof over my head and for my mostly-full fridge and pantry, and for being surrounded by my books and games.

I'm thankful that I've made pies (different pies) for two separate Canucksgivings, yesterday and today. I'm thankful for my acquaintances and friends. I'm thankful that Erin is still talking to me, and for that relationship having had a solid positive impact on me being who I want to be.

I'm thankful for Stephanie, for having found / re-found someone whose flaws and insecurities can complement my own, rather than magnifying them and vice versa.

I'm thankful that after almost three years Mr Tuppert and I are getting along, and Establishing Routines. The last couple of months it's been "breakfast is a time for internet and scritches," which has been a good way to greet the morning.

Autumn grey and coolth have arrived. Time to drag the cold robot back into the storage room for another six months. Time to start baking again.

I'm still here. Next year maybe I can be thankful for that.
jazzfish: an open bottle of ether, and George conked out (Ether George)
Got in last night around quarter of ten, to a very affectionate cat. He's currently curled up on the heating-pad mat next to the laptop, where he's been for most of the last couple of hours. I think he may have missed me.

This is admittedly the most jetlag I've ever tried to recover from, but I am just not getting it. Been crashing out early and waking up after five or sometimes six hours' sleep. I made it home last night due to copious applications of caffeine and sugar, and still woke up at four AM. Hopefully being Actually Home will suffice to reset my system.

In Pattern Recognition, William Gibson talks about jetlag as a result of traveling faster than humans were meant to travel, so your soul needs time to catch back up to your body. As a description of the sensation it's about right.

Today: shower, unpack, get groceries (ordered, just need to pick up once ready), therapy, farmers market. Probably watch the last two episodes of season 3 of Slow Horses, since I watched S1 on the plane to Paris, S2 on the plane from Paris, and the first four of S3 on the plane from Mpls. Possibly rave about how great that show is. Ideally write up the next stage of the travelogue, but I'm not pushing it.

Meant to link these yesterday but forgot, so, have some Wendy Cope:
Onward.
jazzfish: Jazz Fish: beret, sunglasses, saxophone (Default)
I'm home. I'm pretty well caught up on classwork; mostly what remains is a big group project and a final exam. And I need to finish writing the final report on my practicum. Weird to think this will all be in the rearview in three and a half weeks.

I'm still jobhunting, which remains a reliable depression trigger. Not worth talking about other than to note it's ongoing, on all counts.

Mr Tuppert has decided that what is best in life is to demand scritches/pets from the cat-mat next to the laptop spot on the table, while I'm eating and reading ye internette. Sometimes he also gets brushed, which he generally ... somewhere between tolerates and enjoys. Eventually he decides that he's had enough company and isn't it time for me to go be somewhere that's not in his space? He expresses this through the medium of lightly biting my hand. Not ideal but one works with what one has. Treats can redirect him away from being cranky, but that is not really a road I want to go down.

For now I keep sending out resumes. If I continue to get no bites by the end of the month I will have to regroup. In the meanwhile it's threatening to be early summer out there. Things as they currently are aren't so bad.
jazzfish: Jazz Fish: beret, sunglasses, saxophone (Default)
SATURDAY MORNING: Ahh, it's starting to be light out, soon I won't need the sunlamp any more.

SUNDAY MORNING: Ugh where is the sunlight what is going ON

Which is to say: blargh rant DST rant blargh, though the onset of the spring rainy season (as distinct from the winter overcast season) doesn't help matters.



Yesterday morning I made pancakes for breakfast, and English muffins to turn into frozen breakfast sandwiches today. Mr Tuppert was annoyed at me for spending so much time in the kitchen, so after that I got my book and hung out on the couch. He came to sit on my legs for awhile. Eventually he got bitey, and I told him he was being cranky and he should go eat something, and he did and then came back and we deniably-snuggled some more.

I'd finished my tea, and the outside was dark with rainygrey. Other than that it was pretty much a perfect hour or two.

The afternoon was spent in running around to various gaming things, and that was good as well.

I'm concerned about my job prospects, and about the general state of the world, and I've been engaging in a nontrivial amount of basic escapism to cope. Need to remember to take more time in deliberately engaging in things that make me happy, and not just that I enjoy.

ongoing

Feb. 19th, 2025 02:12 pm
jazzfish: Jazz Fish: beret, sunglasses, saxophone (Default)
Well. After that I had a nasty breakdown last week. I'm, hm. I won't say I'm fine now, but I'm certainly out of the worst of it and I seem to be doing alright. It was a particularly nasty combination of acute depression (state of the US, digging into some rough stuff in counseling) and difficulties in keeping going on practicum stuff. The acute depression passed eventually as these things do, and I managed to drag myself out of the avoidant part of 'difficulty keeping going on the thing i'm supposed to be doing,' so that's all for the good.

Registered for my last class this morning. Bit of drama in that; I went to confirm the amount I owed and they'd stuck a $4900 "Technology International Fees" in there. Spent a couple of hours trying to figure out what that was, including an hour on hold. It got mysteriously removed about ten minutes before they connected me with someone who said they'd mistakenly applied it to all student accounts. Frustrating to have wasted my time chasing it down, but at least it wasn't a real thing. Four more months, and this will all be over with. Need to figure out what comes next, I guess.

I've made a space on the table for Mr Tuppert to sit next to me while I'm working, in the hope that he'll stop biting me for attention. This ... sometimes works. In general we're getting along better. He'll come sit with me when I watch TV at lunchtime as long as I put a blanket down for him to sit on, etc. I'm glad he's here.

I watched the first two seasons of Black Lightning, and now I'm watching Arrowverse again in half-season increments (because they put the crossovers in the middle of the seasons). Black Lightning takes itself pretty seriously, but it's about Black issues so it's got a good reason to. Arrow just takes itself more seriously than it needs to. As I recall this season of Flash is angsty as well (I got about three episodes in before Erin gave up). Looking forward to Legends, and Supergirl, to break that up somewhat.
jazzfish: Jazz Fish: beret, sunglasses, saxophone (Default)
Erin and I went camping last weekend with a couple dozen other folks. Camping remains a Good Thing for me generally. This spot in particular is just fantastic. It's on a sandy bank of the Stillaguamish river in the Washington Cascade Mountains. The river's, I dunno, fifty feet? a hundred? across, and the bed's filled with large rocks. Out in the middle it's deep enough that I can't touch bottom, but if you choose your path carefully you (I) can walk from one side to the other without fully submerging.

It's exactly what I needed. Sunlight and warmth and more sand than muck underfoot. I was barefoot outdoors for two straight days. I went swimming repeatedly, in water that was cold enough to be chilly but not so cold as to keep me from going in. I sat on rocks in the sun and watched tadpoles and water-striders and dragonfly larvae. I walked a small laybrinth, I found a bit of spiritual reconnection.

The ritual itself was a wash, mostly because my ability to social has been malfunctioning for at least the last month and a half. But it was good to be out in the woods and water, and out with other folks.



We drove up to her place on Monday, and I drove back on my own yesterday. It's a long drive but it remains absolutely gorgeous. Over twelve hours conifer forest gives way to scrub desert which turns into deep rocky canyon, then foothills straight up against river delta farmland. Majestic. Coming from the Appalachians, I didn't really believe mountains could be that big or that close.

I like driving the Fraser Canyon (roughly, Highway 1 between Cache Creek and Hope). I especially like driving down it: up is nice but for whatever reason one gets the best views going back down. Or maybe it's just that I'm more often driving down alone so I have more mental space to take in the scenery. Whatever the reason: when I can take a day to do that (two days, really, one up and one back down) and the weather's decent, I'm happy to do so.

And now I'm home and catching up on a great many things, including sitting with / petting / brushing Mr Tuppert. It is Good.

let's see

Apr. 27th, 2024 08:51 am
jazzfish: Jazz Fish: beret, sunglasses, saxophone (Default)
Time still doing that "passing" thing. Classes go reasonably well. Having a bit of trouble sticking to my "finish one class a day" plan but not so much it's a problem. And next week is the start of midterms so that should be easier.

I figured out the problem with the cookies: I'd only used half as much butter as I was supposed to, so of course they're dry and crumbly. This is a flaw in my otherwise excellent "do everything by weight" system: sometimes my mental conversion fails me. "A cup of butter, that's four ounces, right? No way it's eight, that's just way too much butter." Oh well. Won't make that mistake again in a hurry. Perhaps sometime I should go through my recipes and update them all with weights.

Mr Tuppert has begun demanding red-dot time earlier and more, which is not necessarily ideal. But I'm glad he's got something he enjoys playing with, at least. I can occasionally get him to bat at the wire-toy for a minute or two; this is an improvement, as initially he was terrified of it. He's also been lying on my "lap" when I'm laying in bed reading before sleep, and requesting scritches, which is nice. I suspect that if I had a lap-blanket I could turn him into more of a lap cat, but "coming on summer" is not the time to experiment with lap blankets.

More worryingly, he's exhibiting occasional weird health things. He's always been yuking up wet food once a week or so; he's always been pooping about five days in seven. Lately he's been occasionally twitchy/tremor-y: he'll twitch a bit when he's standing on the ottoman deciding whether to sit down, say. Last night on my lap his back half shook for a minute or so. I'm attributing it to stress / poor emotional regulation; earlier in the evening there was a LOT of shouting and stomping from upstairs / outside. But it's worrisome, and I'm keeping an eye on it.

Chatting with Erin who's coming down for a long visit in a week or so; chatting with Steph and trying to work out when we can get together again; both of those are good.

Money's an issue, books are good. The weather is threatening to turn, which means I'm thinking about getting my bike back out. Been wanting to start back in on something musical too, probably viola since there remains no easy way to set up the bass here.

Counseling is digging into "why do i think all relationships ought to be transactional" with a side of "why do i have so much trouble Being Myself in relationships". Or maybe the other way round. For once this is a thing that seems like it doesn't tie directly back to Abandonment Issues, which is a nice change.

I'm a little lonely, and a little tired, but mostly I'm doing alright, I think.
jazzfish: Jazz Fish: beret, sunglasses, saxophone (Default)
Oh hey, it's been a minute.

ADHD )



Classes )



Cat )



Travel )



Overall? Things are good, I think. I'm worried about money and the future but that's a future problem. Right now I'm ... mostly happy. It's nice.
jazzfish: Jazz Fish: beret, sunglasses, saxophone (Default)
So what have I been doing with myself for the last week, since classes ended?

I've been playing a lot of Hollow Knight, a videogame about which more later, perhaps. It's got a pretty big open world to explore, lots of stuff to do, and a decent amount of backtracking but with better equipment so you get to feel powerful as you crush enemies and soar through obstacles that took a lot of work to get past the first time. It is both good and My Thing, which is nice.

I have not yet read the new Murderbot. It showed up right as finals etc were swinging into high gear, and ... I dunno, I haven't quite felt it. It's coming with me this week.

I have Christmased. Parcels are in the mail and should arrive this weekend or early next week. I like buying gifts for people, and buying The Right Gift for people, so it's nice to feel like that's a thing that's a part of my life again. (I also sometimes just start flailing with no idea, which is when you get [REDACTED] and [REDACTED]. Sorry about that.)



Most importantly I have made my home a better place. I've been meaning to add more light in a vague way since last December, and in specific since mid-November. My sheets (a year and a half old) are also starting to disintegrate, which I Do Not Appreciate. Eventually it occurred to me that Ikea will sell me both of these things, and in fact I had a gift card from Rhonda my realtor that's been just hanging around for almost two years. So I ordered lights and sheets, and some random odds and ends, and various things for Erin, and now my living room has about twice as much light as previously.

It may not be ideal. The extra torchiere (with reading-lamp attachment) is great, but it doesn't provide any more light for the Book Corner. For that I got a pair of clip-lamps, clipped them to the bookshelves, and pointed them up-ish. I got the idea from a couple of lamps I used to have clamped to my headboard. Those took normal light bulbs. These use a small-base, and the bulbs I got from Ikea are optimized for more direct short-range light. This makes for some weird shadows and may be giving me a bit of a headache; I'm not quite sure yet. If so, hopefully "different bulbs" is all it'll take.

Today I've also been to Canadian Tire for additional misc: specifically, a new laser pointer and a sink plunger. I was going to just get new batteries for the existing red-dot but it turns out that a three-pack of batteries is $15, while a new laser pointer (with batteries) is under $5. I'll be mildly annoyed if I'm running through a laser pointer a month, is all. I really wish Mr Tuppert would play with non-battery toys, but mostly it seems that physical things just annoy him. In the case of the Catnip Fishy he'll attack, but things on strings get some "get that out of my face" batting (or mostly ignored if they're tossed towards him on the floor) and then he wanders away, sometimes at speed.

Also the bathroom sink has been draining slowly for months now. It's gotten bad enough that if you're washing your hands you have to turn the water off and let it drain, otherwise you're rinsing your hands through suds. And back when I'd bought this place but before I'd moved in, the stack below the bathroom sink evidently backed up and spat goop into the sink and onto the floor. (Mya, who was checking in twice a week for insurance reasons, was kind enough to deal with getting a plumber in to drill the stack.)

So I finally remembered to pick up a sink-plunger and Plunged The Sink. In the event it only took me a couple of backwashes out the overflow drain to remember that I needed to plug that for plunging to be effective. And whatever it was seems to be cleared!

As a bonus, I also picked up a small under-vanity caddy, so I can stop feeling like everything is just THROWN IN THERE WILLY-NILLY WITH NO ORGANIZATION. I'd still rather have a medicine cabinet, but this will do.

It is ... really nice to remember that I do in fact have some control over my environment and can make changes that improve it. I have a strong tendency towards Just Putting Up With It, whatever It might be. Being more proactive about things in general is good for me.



Tomorrow I'm heading up north to see Erin for a week and a half. It should be good: there's a new kitten, and a newish puppy who I've met a few times, and of course geese and chickens and pigs. I anticipate lots of dozing and snuggling and talking, and woodstove coziness and cooking of various things. I think it'll be good. Be nice to have the extended time, for sure.

Coming back on Xmas Day, and then ... no real plans until classes start up again on the ninth, I guess.

Keep warm. I miss you.
jazzfish: Jazz Fish: beret, sunglasses, saxophone (Default)
This morning, not for the first time, I had a brief flash of "I wish I could tell [personal profile] tam_nonlinear about that," and was a bit sad. Then it occurred to me that even if I'd ever found out whether she accepted my last apology, she would 100% have Taken Sides post-divorce. And like literally every other person who explicitly took sides, the side she took would not have been mine. So that was cheery. But to the left, Abby was nothing if not consistent. Why, what could she have done, being what she is? / Was there another Troy for her to burn?

(Yeats was an absolute tool and there's a lot about the sentiment of that poem that unintentionally says more about the poet than the subject. He did have a way with words, though.)



I've been trying to engage with Mr Tuppert more, in the hope that keeping him more stimulated will go some way towards diffusing his biteyness. It's working, maybe. I've successfully redirected him from "attacking my hand" to "attacking his catnip fishy" a couple of times now. Yesterday I replaced the batteries in the laser pointer, and it has once more become a highly effective distraction and cat-exhauster. My mother brought him a rather nice jumpy felt spider on a stick but he's mostly been uninterested, alas.



As part of the ADHD screening process I completed a half-dozen mental health questionnaires a couple of weeks ago. Based on interpreting what they're looking for from the questions asked and how I answered them, I exhibit some symptoms of ADHD pretty strongly. I also exhibit quite a few symptoms of depression at varying levels. This is I guess not really a surprise? Turns out that on some fundamental level I didn't really believe my depression diagnosis from when I was eighteen. Or I thought I was handling it better, or something. But: it's there, it's not going anywhere, I'm gonna have to do something about that too. Bah. Will see what the doctor says when I talk to her in a month and a half.

My parents also sent along all my childhood medical records. I bet there's some interesting stuff in there but I do not currently have it in me to decipher handwriting. Maybe next week.



On the classes front: everything is I believe sorted out regarding next term registration. My mapping instructor has softened his "no and fuck you for asking" stance enough to move ten percent of the overall grade from the missed midterm to the final, which is decent of him: I'm now only losing fifteen percent overall. And I am currently Caught Up on everything except Computing, which is what today's for.

I'm honestly starting to get a little worried about next term. It's only four courses but they're all upper-level. Much of what's being covered thus far is either review, or fundamental concepts that make perfect sense. Curious -- and nervous -- how I'll do when it's actually new and difficult material.



Tomorrow evening I fly out to Tampa, for several days with Steph. She's got a work conference, so I shall hole up in the hotel room during the day to do classwork, and spend time with her in the evenings. Should be alright. I'll miss my kitten, though.

I'd hoped Erin would come down in late September or early October, but for a variety of reasons that didn't happen, and I've thus far been unable to plan a trip up north for Yanksgiving-tide as well. Hoping for Solstice; school will be done, so it'll be a bit of an easier lift, maybe.



Right. Back on my head.
jazzfish: Jazz Fish: beret, sunglasses, saxophone (Default)
The Telus Health appointment, in contrast, was entirely painless.
DOCTOR: Alright, why do you think you have ADHD?
ME: Well, I was diagnosed as a kid--
DOCTOR: OH! So you HAVE ADHD.
And we had like a five-minute conversation about "you don't outgrow ADHD, you just get better at coping" and why/how it was causing enough problems for me to seek treatment now, and we were done, and an hour or so later I got an automated email saying that the referral had been sent.

She did ask if I had any other conditions and I sort of died a little inside and said "I was diagnosed with depression at eighteen," and she just kind of waved it off. In retrospect I suspect she was maybe looking for whether I had an autism diagnosis? Because I was definitely not making much eye contact while speaking and stumbling over my words a bit and probably overexplaining as well.



My ADHD-esque avoidance is definitely tied to anxiety: "this is gonna be hard despite everyone saying it's easy" or "this has some unknown bits to it that i don't automatically know how to navigate." So, dealing with the first causes there would probably help with the avoidance? But that takes time and I don't really have time, and also having some help would be nice. I do not, in fact, have to do things the hard/right way all the time. (I am also doing it the hard/right way but I would like some help in addition to that.)



In other news, I hauled Mr Tuppert off to the vet for a toe trim and he was a Perfect Gentleman. Just sat there and let the vet wrap an arm around him and clip all four feet, no pulling away or anything.

Hmpf.
jazzfish: Jazz Fish: beret, sunglasses, saxophone (Default)
This morning I dreamed that there was a siren going off somewhere distant, just close enough that it was Really Annoying. I was complaining about it to Emily when I woke up, at four-thirty in the morning. There was no siren or alarm. [In retrospect Emily was behaving entirely unlike Emily, so I'm gonna assume this is just my brain deciding that someone was there to commiserate and digging "person I spent an awful lot of time sleeping next to" out of the memory banks.]

I got back to sleep sometime after five and proceeded to dream about being at some sort of large retreat, in a pretty big cabin. My ex-ex-boss was hitting on me (?!), so I excused myself and got into a board game. The other people had gotten it all set up. It looked like a sequel(?) to Alan Moon's game Elfenland, with lots of island-hopping instead of just traveling by road from one spot to another. So I asked "How do you play?" and AT THAT MOMENT Mr Tuppert decided to start complaining that his food bowl was empty.

Speaking of whom: Operation Treats For Feets, wherein I pick up a paw and then give him a treat, is going well so far. The objective is to get him to a point where I can start clipping his claws without requiring another person to hold him in place, thereby saving me $10 and us both the aggravation of a trip to the vet every month or so. I'm optimistic at this point, which is nice.

Erin's coming down this afternoon, so I get to introduce her to Mr Tuppert. Will be interesting to see what he thinks of someone being on his side of the bed.

And tomorrow we're going camping down in Washington state. This will be the first time I've been camping in six years, and the second since 2010. I am mostly nervous but it'll be nice to actually get some use out of the tub of camping equipment I've been hauling around. I just hope the thirty-year-old backpacking stove still works.
jazzfish: Jazz Fish: beret, sunglasses, saxophone (Default)
Today I spent an hour and a half on the phone with the EI office, mostly on hold, in an ultimately successful attempt to report my severance pay, which came through today. Verdict: my EI payments won't start until mid-June, but on the bright side my (year-long) claim limit also doesn't start until then. I mucked with my budget a day or two ago and determined that the EI will more or less cover my bills, so that's a relief.

Today I also took a two-hour nap. I may be fighting off a random sinus infection or summer cold; Mya was over for dinner last night, and reported feeling ill this morning. I've got a bit of a sore throat and a bit of the general muzzy-headedness that I usually associate with sinus infections. Who knows.

Also today Tsalmoth arrived, so I'm making my way through it. Feels like a throwback, which of course it is, set just after Yendi and long before Vlad quit the Jhereg. It's good? I may be starting to lose my taste for Vlad's first-person-asshole narrative voice.

It's been summer-like out today, and I think will be for the rest of the weekend. I may ride out somewhere and read under a tree tomorrow or Sunday. Next week is for GIS-career research, and getting back into viola practice, and continuing to get out on the bike as much as I can.

Mr Tuppert is dozing on my foot. I'm quite glad I get to be his human.
jazzfish: Jazz Fish: beret, sunglasses, saxophone (Default)
I feel more functional.

I have had a generally lovely long-weekend with Erin. The weather was crap: it's melting time, and thus mud season, and the wind over what's left of the snow was biting while the sun decided to hide until today. We had an honest-to-goodness hailstorm for about fifteen minutes Sunday afternoon.

So we slept and napped and petted the cats and the occasional dog, and made tasty and low-stress food, and watched an awful lot of videos about cats (manul / Pallas's Cats are still my favourite, though the weasel-looking jaguarundi are pretty great too), and generally just enjoyed being in the same place without anything in particular that needed doing. I feel suspiciously rested despite waking up at 6:30 this morning. I did still laze in bed for several hours, so that helped, but still.

It's ... really nice to feel functional again.

Mr Tuppert seems to have forgiven me for leaving, as well. I am about to go in to bed, and we'll see what he thinks of that; I suspect that will be the final "oh good you're really back".

Now I have two days of work, and then I fly out to Niagara for a week and a half, certainly for gaming and hopefully to see Steph as well. This will not be precisely low-stress but I've gotten good at making the Gathering into a vacation rather than a MUST DO EVERYTHING con so it will still be restful.

Eric and the rest of the 18xxers will be there; I'm looking forward to seeing them as always. Some of the folks from DC won't be, alas. More seriously, my friend Steffan has said that this will likely be his last year at the Gathering. Steffan is ... I mean. He's my friend, he's someone I look forward to seeing and talking to every year, we generally get in a couple of games and sometimes a dinner. He's a fine example of "i am not really sure how or why this person became my friend, they just are." Bah. I have never really learned how to deal with grief. And it's not like I'm losing him, we chat occasionally on FB. But still. It's complicated.

surfacing

Mar. 7th, 2023 09:13 am
jazzfish: an open bottle of ether, and George conked out (Ether George)
Oh hey, it's been a minute.

Things continue to be somewhat unpleasant: no glasses (supposedly they come in today), a trip up north last week which was better than some but not great, work frustrates and I am finding it difficult to care, lack of focus continues to be a problem, etc etc. I hadn't realised it had been more than two weeks since I'd posted but I guess I'm not surprised.

I was making a second cup of tea in the kitchen just now and Mr Tuppert wandered in to see what was going on, and rubbed up against my leg. So I absentmindedly scooped him up because that's what one does with cats who come and ask for attention, or at least what I did with Chaos and Kai for fifteen years. I'm not sure which of us was more surprised. He took it in stride, though, and may have even enjoyed it. (It's hard to tell: his default response to weird things happening to him is to go limp.) I let him down when he started to get restless after a minute, and he did not try to bite me and even still wanted a couple of scritches. Chalk that up to things I did not expect from this cat.

This weekend there's Terminal City Tabletop Convention, a local boardgame con that I've been to every year it's been held in person (the last one was in 2019). I've volunteered to run an Intro To 18xx session and also a round of Sidereal Confluence on Saturday. I'm mildly concerned that this is an overcommitment for my current energy level. I guess we'll see. I'm prepared to give up after the SidCon game and go home and sleep / recuperate if need be. I am somewhat more optimistic about the Gathering next month, mostly because it's a full week (and then some) and I will be On Vacation and not have to think about work for that time.

I spent all day yesterday Very Tired, and I'm not wholly functional today either. Unclear what's going on, whether it's anything more than the accumulated weight of various stressors. I don't like this; there's not much to be done about it immediately, and I'm doing things to make it better eventually. Bah.

I still hate jobhunting.
jazzfish: Alien holding a cat: "It's vibrating"; other alien: "That means it's working" (happy vibrating cat)
Mr Julian Winterhill Tuppert will play with string! Or at least he'll attack and bite it, which is close enough. So that's two toys (string and red-dot). Both require human intervention, which isn't ideal if I'm gone frequently, but it works.

I'm starting to be able to read him better. The tail-lashing is definitely a sign of Activated, and not in a good way; he was just too scared to do anything other than tail-lashing previously. So now he gets a couple of scritches as I walk by, and more in the morning or at bedtime if he specifically requests, and that seems to be alright for both of us.

On the other hand, he goes straight to bitey if I'm petting him too much. Considering a squirt bottle to reinforce the No Biting Without Consent rule.

He'll still sometimes drape himself over my shin in the evenings if I'm on the good chair with my feet on the ottoman, and that's pretty adorable. On the other hand, he'll sometimes decide that my feet shouldn't be on his ottoman and get bitey, and that's less so. Need to pick up a squirt-bottle.

He's taken to asking for attention by batting the back of my chair. Unfortunately we're dealing with a limited vocabulary, so I have to guess at whether he wants more scritches, playtime, food, his litterbox cleaned, or something else I haven't figured out yet. (Usually it's playtime, unless it's still early morning, in which case it's scritches.)

I would prefer a friendlier people-ier cat, but I'm happy with the one I've got.
jazzfish: Alien holding a cat: "It's vibrating"; other alien: "That means it's working" (happy vibrating cat)
Slowly coming to terms with the idea that I have been in a depressive trough for several months. It's not ideal. I think it's been a vicious cycle, with not sleeping well engendering a lack of focus, which reduces my ability to manage various aspects of my life, resulting in high stress levels, which makes it harder to sleep, etc. And for sure the lack of sunlight isn't helping matters. (A few years ago I was Really Annoyed when I realised how huge an effect the amount of sunlight had on my mood... walking down the street and thinking "I am stressed and kind of unhappy and I feel like I ought to be depressed but instead I'm actually feeling pretty good about things... oh, the sun is out for the first time in a week." Annoyed because whether there's sun is not really under my control, except in the sense of "don't live in Vancouver.")

So I'm trying to get more exercise, in the hope that that will improve my sleeping and break the cycle. But I'm not real optimistic. This has been a problem more or less for a long time. I give myself six months; if I'm not doing better by May at the latest then I'll start looking into pharmaceutical solutions.



That was not where I expected this entry to go. The actual reason I opened the Post Entry window: Mr Tuppert and I have a Routine in the mornings where I have a work meeting, and he sits on the ottoman next to me and gets pets. Today's meeting was actually a whole series of them (still ongoing, actually) but I didn't have to be functional, just mostly pay attention so I know what's coming down the pipe. So we had a nice long pet, punctuated by occasional "done now" swats/bites at my hand followed by "hey you aren't paying attention to me" bats at the back of the chair.

Those times when he rolls on his side and half-closes his eyes are why I have a cat.

He still gets bored, and he still doesn't really play: his favourite toy is My Hand, which is problematic. I got him a laser pointer and he'll play chase-the-red-dot somewhat, but he has no interest whatsoever in other toys (jingle-ball, crinkle-toy, thing-onna-string). It's a problem because when he gets bored he wants me to play with him, and I do have to do work sometimes.

But he's a good kitten, and I'm happy he's here.

Oh, and after finishing Alix Harrow's The Ten Thousand Doors of January, it turns out his full name is Mr Julian Winterhill Tuppert. 'Julian' (with a soft J, so 'Yule-Ian') for the lost explorer in 10K Doors, Winterhill for the intelligence agent in Aspects. Always nice when a name settles in properly.
jazzfish: Barnaby from "Bone," text "Stupid, stupid rat meme!" (Rat Meme)
As alluded yesterday, there have been books.

What are you reading right now?

Finally getting back into the ebook of Moving Pictures. What I actually want to be reading is either The Ten Thousand Doors Of January (Harrow) or The Poppy War (Kuang), because I have fancy SubPress editions of both waiting for me. But I'm reluctant to take those to work with me, so they await a stretch of time when I'll be Not Working for a bit. Maybe this weekend.

Anyway, Moving Pictures is a bit of a slog, which surprises me. If you had told twelve-year-old me that there was a forty-plus-book fantasy series that was more like a bunch of interlocking serieses, as funny and readable as Douglas Adams but with actual plots, but the subseries I'd like least was the one about all the wizards, well. I would have thought you were entirely out to lunch.

What did you just finish reading?

Mm. First reread of Ann Leckie's Ancillary books. Still excellent. These prefigure Murderbot in some ways, which I had forgotten but which I greatly appreciate. Also the line "We're not cousins anymore" late in Ancillary Mercy remains the funniest line on the funniest page of anything I have read in quite some time. (I note with some excitement that Leckie has a new Radch book out next year, heavily featuring a Presger translator.)

Also read the first two of Walter Jon Williams's new space opera trilogy, sequel to his previous excellent Dread Empire's Fall trilogy. I outsource my commentary to paraphrasing Marissa Lingen, who said of the first "it's more of the same, space battles and space empire politics, it's still good but start with the first trilogy," and of the second "it's MORE OF THE SAME, stupid awful interpersonal stuff with the leads hooking up and breaking up, and i may be done with it now." I note that she hasn't reviewed the third, which came out a month or two ago.

And reread Gibson's The Peripheral and read Agency, which ... these are weird, but I like them. In both roughly the first third is sort of orientation, getting you used to the world(s) of the novel, and then most of the rest is ... nothing really happens, but you get a lot of nice character and worldbuilding and dialogue moments, and then in like the last thirty pages there is suddenly PLOT! and then it's over. Spook Country did this as well. It is very much not my normal reading mode. And Gibson's characters are... they're sort of emotionally muted, which contributes to the sense of not much really happening. I'm not describing this well at all. I think I liked them? Keeping them around, at the very least.

What do you think you'll read next?

Maybe 10K Doors or Poppy War. Maybe Provenance, the sequel to the Ancillary books. Maybe the third of WJW's space opera books, it's on the shelf and then I can be done with them. (They /are/ well-written and fast-paced and well-plotted, it's just the relationship between the two leads that grinds my teeth.) Maybe whatever the next Discworld is.



And, from [personal profile] ironymaiden, the return of the Five Questions meme. Comment and ask and I'll ask you five questions of your own.

1. What has been the biggest surprise about life with Mr. Tuppert?

It's the sitting-on-shins thing. The way he's not hugely a People Cat is a bit of a surprise, and not being able to tempt him up onto the couch to sit next to me is a bit of a disappointment, but. Starting from the very first night he was here, when I get into bed he comes up on the bed with me, and he'll usually come up for a few scritches first. Then it's like a switch gets thrown in his tiny cat-brain, and he tries to position himself lengthwise on top of my shin, and kneads at the blanket and makes meowy-growly noises of discontent that he can't get situated comfortably there. This goes on for several minutes, usually until I shift a bit at the right time or in the right way to shake him out of it, and he'll either get comfortable on my feet or curl up next to them.

2. What did you think of the "bonus episode" of Sandman?

So, this is two questions, or maybe three. The "bonus episode" presentation in itself is kinda weird, though it makes sense: may as well at least try to tell the stories in something like the original order, and they want to seed 'Calliope' early to set up for the chain that leads to The Kindly Ones. So why not goose numbers with a bonus episode? Plus, they've already done the Hob Gadling story, and the Element Girl story is unfilmable without using DC's cosmos (and honestly skippable anyway), so why not give us all of Dream Country in its original place? Works for me.

'Dream of a Thousand Cats' was a basically perfect adaptation with a stellar voice cast. A+, no notes. The story itself is slight but fun.

I am perhaps overly sensitive to stories that revolve around sexual assault, so I hated 'Calliope' on my recent reread. I disliked it much less onscreen. And it's always nice to see Arthur Darvill getting work, and Derek Jacobi too.

3. What's your current favorite boardgame and why?

With the caveat that I've only played it once in the last year-plus, and that's not too likely to change before April: Sidereal Confluence. I doubt I can improve on what I wrote awhile ago:
SidCon is a trading game where the point isn't to make a few good (ie, lopsided-in-your-favour) trades, it's to make as many trades as possible. Everyone has a pile of Stuff, and everyone needs some Stuff to run their machines, but no one has the kinds of Stuff they need. So there's a mad flurry of exchanges and negotiations, and the more of those exchanges and negotiations you can be a part of the better off you are. Even if you're not technically "gaining" anything, you're getting more Stuff that you can actually use. Now add on to that what they call "variable player powers," where each player can break certain rules in certain extreme ways. The end result is an awful lot of busy chaotic noisy fun.
It is extremely interactive, it is surprisingly smooth-playing with low rules overhead despite the high emergent complexity, and it plays in under three hours. I adore it. I've only played with a full nine-player contingent once, and that was under highly nonoptimal conditions: multiple brand-new players that I had to hand-hold for the first couple of rounds, a loud room at a convention, a table setup that made it difficult for everyone to talk to everyone else. It was still a top boardgaming experience.

4. Still working through Discworld? What's your current favorite?

I am, but slowly. Partly I've been reading physical books instead of ebooks; partly I'm just finding Moving Pictures to be slower going. My favourite is definitely Pyramids, though I've a soft spot for Wyrd Sisters, and Mort is also wonderful.

5. What food of your childhood is unobtainable where you live now, and is that a good or bad thing?

Growing up an Army brat means I don't really have food 'of my childhood,' other than the stuff Mom made on the regular, and most if not all of that is replicable. Closest thing would be good Memphis-style barbecue, which we had whenever we went to see grandparents: both sets lived an hour and a half out of Memphis (different directions). That lack is unquestionably a Bad Thing. There's at least one okay barbecue joint in the Lower Mainland but it's not the same.

more cat

Nov. 5th, 2022 05:16 pm
jazzfish: Alien holding a cat: "It's vibrating"; other alien: "That means it's working" (happy vibrating cat)
I have been stuck in YVR for several hours due to first a Westjet system-wide computer outage and then just Westjet being terrible. So I write about my cat.

meditations on cat )

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Adventures in Mamboland

"Jazz Fish, a saxophone playing wanderer, finds himself in Mamboland at a critical phase in his life." --Howie Green, on his book Jazz Fish Zen

Yeah. That sounds about right.

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