Indeed do many things come to pass

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2026/04/my-employee-is-abrasive-can-i-ask-others-to-be-patient-while-i-coach-her.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=37841

A reader writes:

I work at a university managing the production aspects of the theater. I manage five staff members and one of them, Jane, can be hard to work with.

She can be quite abrasive and abrupt, and I have already had several meetings with her to address the harsh tone she uses. She started this year and comes from a professional background where she needed to be very assertive in her role or she would not have been able to get anything done. Her job now requires lots of student interaction and direction and she is speaking to them like she would these professional crew members she encountered in the past and some of the students feel like she is disrespecting and talking down to them.

On top of this, she manages two other staff members who have stated to me privately that they are finding it extremely hard to work for her because of the way she speaks to them. The chair of the department has even mentioned once or twice how he was taken aback by how she spoke to him.

She does not single anyone out, and does take my feedback and is improving, but she has a long way to go before she is where I think she needs to be.

Other than her tone, I am happy with the quality of the work she does. Her department has tackled some major projects this year with flying colors but she just rubs people the wrong way. I am worried she will drive students away because she will get (and is already getting) a reputation as being disrespectful and unpleasant to work for.

How much can I push her to change what seems to be a genuine personality trait? It does not feel fair to me to expect her to change so much and not also expect her subordinates and the students to meet her halfway. Am I wrong to think this is a two-way street and should counsel people to be patient with her as we work on improving? We have our reviews coming up and I plan to discuss this with her and her subordinate separately, I am just not sure how much to push her to change.

This is the first time I’ve had to manage a subordinate with the combination of great work but bad personality and I would appreciate any guidance.

First things first: I’m assuming that you’ve witnessed what people are talking about and Jane truly is being excessively abrupt or harsh, and this isn’t just people bristling at a woman being no-nonsense in a way they wouldn’t if she were a man. If the latter is what’s happening, you have a different problem to deal with, but based on what you’ve described, I’m guessing that’s not the case. So with that caveat in place…

The fact that something is a genuine personality trait doesn’t make it inherently okay to indulge it at work or mean that managers and colleagues are obligated to overlook it. After all, some people’s personalities include extreme grumpiness or impatience, or unwillingness to make decisions, or dismissiveness, or a mocking sense of humor, or quickness to anger. “That’s just who she is” doesn’t make those behaviors okay at work; they’re still things that an employee needs to rein in and a manager needs to address, because they’re disruptive and will impact other people’s quality of life and make them not want to work with the person.

Jane being curt and abrasive to the point that people don’t want to work with her is a work problem, not just a personality trait. It’s absolutely your business — and really, your job — to address it with her and to hold her accountable for changing it.

That would be true regardless, but there’s additional urgency here because Jane works with students — and presumably your team can’t be successful if it’s driving off students or quenching their love of theater.

Nor should you ask students and colleagues to “meet her halfway,” just as you (hopefully) wouldn’t ask them to meet a yeller or a harasser halfway. When someone is engaged in behavior that should be off-limits at work, asking others to meet them halfway out of a sense of fairness is actually profoundly unfair and would be an awfully demoralizing thing to do to people with less power than her (like students or any employees who are junior to her) … and for everyone else, it’s highly likely to make them question your judgment.

The message to Jane needs to be: “We’ve talked about this previously but it’s continuing and I need to see real change. You cannot speak to students or other staff members with the tone you’ve been using. In order to remain in this role, you need people to want to work with you and if they leave interactions with you feeling disrespected or dismissed, they won’t want to approach you again.” Ideally you’d ground this in specific examples to the extent that you can (like, “When you Michael asked you for X, you rolled your eyes and used a dismissive tone” or whatever specifics you can give).

If Jane isn’t able to incorporate this feedback and make significant changes very soon, you should start considering the reality that she may not be well-suited for this particular role. “Students and colleagues feel supported when working with you and aren’t afraid to approach you” is as much a reasonable requirement of the job as anything else about her work is.

More on this here:

my employee identifies proudly as a grump

The post my employee is abrasive — can I ask others to be patient while I coach her? appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2026/04/my-employee-is-abrasive-can-i-ask-others-to-be-patient-while-i-coach-her.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=37841

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2026/04/can-a-manager-lead-a-bible-study-asking-an-interviewer-about-their-awful-online-reviews-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=37647

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Can a manager lead a Bible study?

I am a mid-level supervisor for a state government agency. While I directly supervise several employees, about half of the employees in my section directly report to my manager, “Michael.” He, in turn, reports to “David” and “Jan,” who are the chief and the second-in-command. There are several other sections within our agency that do separate work, and those sections have their own corresponding Michaels, who also report to David and Jan.

Hypothetically (I do not have any plans to do this currently), given the fact that I supervise some employees, would it be inappropriate for me to organize a Bible study, book club where we read a religious book, etc., which would occur, say, over lunch?

On the one hand, my religion is extremely important to me and my religious beliefs aren’t exactly a secret. (For example, I told a coworker who lost a family member that I would pray for them, because I know they follow the same religion as me.)

However, I would not want anyone, especially those I supervise, to think that their participation (or lack thereof) in this sort of activity is being encouraged by me by virtue of my position. That is, I wouldn’t want there to be any pressure for people to participate because someone in management is doing it. Does the fact that I only supervise a handful of people when there are well over 100 employees in our agency, many of whom do entirely separate work from me, make a difference?

No, a manager should not organize any kind of religious discussion at work. No matter how sincere you are in saying that people who attend wouldn’t get favorable treatment from you, some of your staff will still worry that they will and/or will feel pressured to participate and/or will find it unfair that people are getting extra networking opportunities with you based on a shared religious practice. And frankly, it would be unfair — that is an extra networking opportunity with you, and it shouldn’t be open only to people willing to talk about religion with you (or be based around religion at all).

2. Can I ask an interviewer about their terrible customer reviews?

After being laid off a month ago, I’m in the early stages of interviewing for a learning and development role at a midsize corporation. Unlike my last job, where I was creating customer-facing trainings, this role would entail creating internal trainings on a wide range of topics, which is much more aligned with my long-term career goals. However, when I was researching the company, I discovered that the service the company provides garners VERY low customer ratings (as in, 1.4 stars on Google reviews and Yelp and an enormous pile of Better Business Bureau complaints). While of course I realize that these online reviews don’t reflect the good experiences (there must be some, right?), I was appalled by some of the claims people were making.

Right now, I’m leaning toward not moving forward in the interview process, as I’m not desperate for a job (yet!) and I am reluctant to work for a company that seems to have no compunction about scamming its customers. But there is a part of me that is curious as to how they would respond if I asked them about those reviews — I mean, maybe they’re working to address the issues. I have been considering asking something like, “I have seen some online reviews where customers are really unhappy with Company’s services. I know that people who are happy with Company aren’t likely to go online to rave about it, but I was wondering what steps Company takes to address customer feedback and how your customer service reps fit into the vision you have for the L&D team.” Or something along those lines. Is that totally unhinged? Should I just cut and run now?

It’s not unhinged at all. That’s a pretty normal question to ask in this context, and they’ve probably been asked it before! They’re aware of their reviews, and they’re aware (some) candidates will be too. Your wording isn’t particularly aggressive or adversarial; it’s reasonable.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t cut and run. But if you’d otherwise be interested in the job, go to the next interview and ask.

Related:
asking a company about its bad reputation in an interview

3. Should I tell a former coworker that someone is talking smack about them?

I had a job recently where we were a team of seven, including the system admin, Amanda. Her attendance was sporadic, but didn’t really affect the rest of us. I felt like whatever arrangements she had with our team’s leadership were none of our business.

The front-end guy, Kevin, and I talked regularly, and he’d often talk junk about her. He’d regularly make comments to me like, “Well, what the hell does Amanda do all day? Why don’t we see her on X date?” It made me uncomfortable because neither of us was Amanda’s supervisor and I felt it was none of our business as it didn’t affect our jobs in the slightest.

Now that I’m no longer there, should I warn Amanda that Kevin was talking junk about her? Why or why not? Does it make a difference if I got fired for an unrelated reason? (It was my fault, and I own it.)

Are you close with Amanda and do you consider her a friend? If so, sure, you could go ahead and tell her — if you think she needs to know that Kevin is potentially stirring up drama that could affect her. If you’d just be telling her on principle and not because it potentially could have repercussions for her, then no; in that case I’d leave it alone since there’s no point in getting involved when you’re not even there anymore.

And if you’re not close with Amanda, then there’s nothing to do. You’re no longer there and that office’s issues don’t need to take up any space in your brain (and it risks coming across as odd and drama-stirring to contact someone you’re not close to after leaving to share something like this).

4. Expected to show up in person even when we don’t need to

I’m a teacher in an independent school, and I love my job, for many reasons. However, my colleagues and I get frustrated by the administration’s expectations regarding our working hours. Like essentially all teachers, we work quite a bit outside of school hours; we work before school, after school, evenings, weekends, and on breaks. That’s just part of being a teacher. We are salaried, and sometimes we are required to stay after school or be at school in the evening for meetings, events, Parents’ Nights, graduations, etc. Also part of the job.

What’s frustrating is that the administration and HR tell us that we have to be on campus for a particular eight hours a day (even when not teaching) and sometimes even on days with no classes or meetings. As teachers, we are a pretty highly educated bunch; most have advanced degrees and could earn a lot more in other industries. It feels kind of disrespectful of our time and dedication for us to be told that we have to be on campus when nothing is scheduled, and it feels inconsistent with other jobs for salaried professionals. What are your thoughts?

Yes, it’s disrespectful of your time, your obvious commitment to the work, and the amount of additional hours you put in over and above a normal work week. It’s also pretty par for the course in teaching, unfortunately, which is still very much a “you need to be in the building to be seen to be working” culture from what I understand.

5. Is it legal for a job ad to set a limit on years of professional experience?

I recently read on your site that requiring someone to be a recent graduate could quality as age discrimination. I’ve seen a company director posting a job on LinkedIn (not an ad, a post from their regular profile) saying the job only accepts people with a maximum amount of professional experience of five years. This is in the U.S., so doesn’t this open them up to age discrimination? While they work in an field I’m not interested in, I am nearing 50 with decades of “professional experience” and it really sounds like it is a statement of “old people need not apply.”

Yes, it absolutely opens them up to liability for age discrimination. I wouldn’t be surprised if you don’t find that language in the actual HR-approved ad (because they know better) and this guy, in writing his own message, let the truth about who they prefer slip out.

The post can a manager lead a Bible study, asking an interviewer about their awful online reviews, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2026/04/can-a-manager-lead-a-bible-study-asking-an-interviewer-about-their-awful-online-reviews-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=37647