Life

[jazzfish]

Just got back from a relaxing several hours at Chez Shauna, featuring idoru, jude, beracjade, various full- or part-time inhabitants of Chez Shauna, and around a dozen other people I'd either never met before or had only met in passing. I lurked and sat and enjoyed being around people who were enjoying being around each other. Finding Nemo and Who Framed Roger Rabbit? played in the semibackground, so I can say I've seen about three-quarters of Nemo now. (Looks cute. Also pretty. Also, seagulls! and crabs!) Spoke a bit with the three who I knew, played a bit with the hyper kitten, entered into a few conversations. Got hugs. (Important.) Gave backrubs to Shauna and Elly(?). Elly seems like someone who I'd like to have talked to more (she mentioned in passing that she role-plays), but then, right now that way madness lies. Perhaps I'll see her again in a year or two.

It's enlightening to realise that the togetherness I was looking for does still exist, that I can find it. Maybe it's an artifact of Troupe, of throwing so many brilliant overstressed people into a situation where physical contact is encouraged. Maybe it's something that I'll need to create if I don't find it where I'm looking.

In the middle of the memorial service it occurred to me that I no longer had any desire to die. After tonight I've got a better idea of why that is.

Thank you. All of you. Those who were at Chez Shauna, those reading this from nearby and from far away, those I've never met in person and those I've known for longer than forever. You're what makes life worth living.

Comments

[qtrnca.livejournal.com]

Exactly! I don't know if I really want to recapture the Troupe interaction, but I do want friends who I actually like, who have more to say than the usually pleasantries of small talk (really exemplified by work situations, where you have to laugh at cliched remarks) but who are not all self-consciously trying to be weird and/or adorable. Is that possible?

I transferred to Tech because I liked the atmosphere, and for the first year or two I hung out with some non-troupe friends from my senior year at TJ. But now most of them are gone or have turned to social groups that I don't want to be a part of. So I find myself, for the most part, without friends and yet not so desperate I would want to be friends with anyone who passed my way.

I remember friendship being easier (probably untrue) and more fun (true). I miss a social group, mostly, I think. And I'm not sure I want to take up a hobby that I don't really enjoy just to be with people I do enjoy...unless they were cool with that. But I think I have finally grown out of friendship drama, so I'm definitely not looking for that. Tactile? Hmm, not my thing anymore, I'd have to get used to that again. Maybe I'm looking for rare people who are probably not the group type. Maybe not.

That was long. By the way, hi :-) I've got your contact info, so I'll give you a call, maybe? Unless you send me hate mail telling me not to (cimperat@vt.edu).