fingertips have memories
Sep. 4th, 2022 09:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jazzfishI am still alive.
I am not doing well and I don't know why. I'm not sleeping well, haven't been for weeks, and I don't know if that's down to my CPAP threatening to give up the ghost, my lungs being generally crap, my lungs being specifically crap post-covid, my entire body finally rebelling at the amount of weight I've gained in the last four years, or what. Or it might just be that it's been too warm lately. Turns out that the furnace is on this floor, so anytime anyone needs hot water all the pipes heat up, which heats up the hallway. Which is fine when it's fairly coolish outside but if it's over about twenty the heat just percolates through until it's an unbearable-for-me 25ish. And there's no natural breeze through the unit, there's one large screen door to the balcony and one nigh-unusable window in the bedroom. Bleh.
Anyway. The 'not doing well' had mostly been isolated to being generally low-energy and somewhat low-brain, until today when it smacked me with what I guess is a depressive episode. I blame the cloudygrey weather at least in part but this does not bode well for, you know, literally any time after about September. I held it together long enough to have brunch with ex-roommate Mya and then it's just been a lot of brain-bleh.
Mostly I have watched TV, replayed Hades, and read very little. Oh, and fixed my car to the tune of just under $2k, which has put paid to any thought of going back east until next year sometime. Stupid money. (I am not actually hurting for money, but I am also failing to replenish my savings after going down to essentially zero in the process of first buying the condo, then paying rent-plus-mortgage for a few months, and then moving.)
I am cranky and tired and I do not like this.
Perhaps next week will be better.
I am not doing well and I don't know why. I'm not sleeping well, haven't been for weeks, and I don't know if that's down to my CPAP threatening to give up the ghost, my lungs being generally crap, my lungs being specifically crap post-covid, my entire body finally rebelling at the amount of weight I've gained in the last four years, or what. Or it might just be that it's been too warm lately. Turns out that the furnace is on this floor, so anytime anyone needs hot water all the pipes heat up, which heats up the hallway. Which is fine when it's fairly coolish outside but if it's over about twenty the heat just percolates through until it's an unbearable-for-me 25ish. And there's no natural breeze through the unit, there's one large screen door to the balcony and one nigh-unusable window in the bedroom. Bleh.
Anyway. The 'not doing well' had mostly been isolated to being generally low-energy and somewhat low-brain, until today when it smacked me with what I guess is a depressive episode. I blame the cloudygrey weather at least in part but this does not bode well for, you know, literally any time after about September. I held it together long enough to have brunch with ex-roommate Mya and then it's just been a lot of brain-bleh.
Mostly I have watched TV, replayed Hades, and read very little. Oh, and fixed my car to the tune of just under $2k, which has put paid to any thought of going back east until next year sometime. Stupid money. (I am not actually hurting for money, but I am also failing to replenish my savings after going down to essentially zero in the process of first buying the condo, then paying rent-plus-mortgage for a few months, and then moving.)
I am cranky and tired and I do not like this.
Perhaps next week will be better.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-05 12:13 pm (UTC)The heat has been really oppressive in general this year, and it really saps energy, so that's probably a huge contributor. I hope things get better soon.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-06 09:39 pm (UTC)Thankfully it's down to eleven or twelve degrees at night now, which has helped a decent bit.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-05 05:58 pm (UTC)I hope so!
no subject
Date: 2022-09-06 09:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-09-06 02:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-09-06 09:41 pm (UTC)And thanks! Seems to be a little better from here. Cooler outside, anyway!
no subject
Date: 2022-09-06 11:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-09-16 09:54 am (UTC)Mostly that's the most useful I have to offer. Heat sux. (She says and means, eventhough she just got out of 2 weeks in the desert being tortured by the day star)
Are you talking to anyone on the mental health front these days? (professional or not?)
The adulting its a drag.
My list of reasons to visit the PNW gets a bit longer. Give me a nudge if you want to talk. I have shit for sleep hygiene so don't worry about the time.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-21 03:09 pm (UTC)I do have a counselor, though she's been on vacation the last several weeks. It helps.
My ability to maintain online connections is one of the first things to go when my energy/brainpower drops. But it would be lovely to see you if/when you make it out this way.