this week, and my lack of ability to even

[jazzfish]

This week I have run headlong into a bunch of things I can't do.

Cut for whining.

Techniques I can't seem to grasp.

Viola proceeds poorly. About half of that is "i am bad at these things but it's the kind of bad that i think practice will take care of." Which, whatever. I can do practice when it seems to be doing some good. It's the things that don't seem to be improving, that I can't do even partly right, that frustrate me.

And it's basic stuff too. Different bow strokes, mostly, which I somehow never learned on cello. I cannot work out how to play quickly and evenly with an accent at the start (martelé), or how to move my elbow to play smoothly (détaché), or even how to just play a normal full down-bow without a weird wobbling sound.

Bleh. I begin to wonder if I ought to give up. Will give it six months at least.

---

On Monday I opened Scrivener intending to finally get around to revising a story that I got good feedback on nearly a year ago. Got as far as rereading the first (highly positive!) paragraph of critique and my brain hopped the noperocket out of there.

I have no idea what the hell that was about.

(Actually I do. If I never finish the %&$ story it exists forever in my head in perfect form. If I do get around to finishing it then it goes out into the world, warts and all, and gets judged and found severely wanting despite being the best I could do.)

Got as far as actually attacking it yesterday, got some minor tweaks in, and... it's like wading through molasses. I have no faith that the changes I'm making will make it any better, or won't break other things elsewhere, and I have no idea how to do the bigger things I want to make it do. Ugh.

Next week, maybe.

Comments

[okrablossom]

You're still trying and, in my value system, that's what matters. So I say, hurrah!

[jazzfish]

*halfsmile* Thank you. It is ... less impossible, today.

[thanate]

Bowing: Wobbly down-bow sounds like maybe you ought to be starting with mirror exercises or something that'll let you practice making sure you're moving the bow straight. What has your instructor given you in terms of bowing exercises? If part of the problem is not getting the right-for-you explanation, it might be worth a little youtube research to see if someone else can explain in a way that works better for you. (I haven't looked, but can't imagine basic bow strokes wouldn't be somewhere in the youtube knowledge repository.)

Edits: (audiences are scary! But the one in *your* head is still your story, even if that's not what the other people read.) That sounds to me like one where you need to push through the molasses and if next time isn't easier, at least you'll have proven you can do it once. Sometimes editing is like that. Be mighty!!

[jazzfish]

... cripes, I hate videos of people talking to the camera. I CAN READ FASTER THAN YOU CAN TALK AND I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR IRRELEVANT BLATHER, JUST SHOW ME WHAT I WANT TO KNOW. *ahem* Yes, this is probably a good idea.

Editing is entirely a "push through" and "learn as you go." It's always been a problem for me. I can only hope it will grow to be less of one.

And, thank you. :)

[thanate]

Um, yes, there is that enthusiastic people who make videos downside thing.

Also FYI, This is Not My Hat was on the table of books the librarians brought out for this week's storytimes, so we're going to try that. Apparently my method of acting on recommendations is to wait until I see the book and then say, "Oh, hey, that's the thing so&so was telling us about," and check it out.)

[queenoftheskies.livejournal.com]

No, no, no!!! Don't give up!!! Sometimes, with instruments, it takes a while to really get relaxed with them. We get the "I can't do that," stuck in our heads and keep repeating whatever we "can't get". But, if we let go...and sometimes, that takes time. (I know, who wants it to take time? Just saying...)

Hmm...I think I'm having the same writing problem you're having. Frustrating, isn't it? Only, I'm sure you're a MUCH better writer than me, so definitely you should consider getting it out in the world.

If you need a beta reader for changes, just yell. I'm always nearby...and I love to beta read.

[jazzfish]

*deep breath* Thanks. It's less bad today, I think.

And, I might take you up on that, once I finish this round of edits. Fresh eyes are always good.