home, where i wanted to go, home

[jazzfish]

My apartment is further from the skytrain than I'd like, the heating is uneven, and most importantly The Rent Is Too Damn High.

And yet I don't want to move.

Since leaving home in 1995 I've moved thirteen times. That's counting one dorm room, and one move from a basement to an attic, but not the places I lived for less than a month. Still. You'd think I'd be used to it by now.

So I think about packing everything into boxes again, and changing my address in a dozen places, and renting a truck, and just living somewhere different, and I start to ... not panic, not exactly. It's somewhere between "scared" and "just don't wanna."

Something about this apartment feels like home, like permanence, in a way that nothing else ever has. There's light, and space, and a sense of having chosen to be here.

And today in the too-bright autumn sunshine I saw a perfect V of Canada geese fly behind the hotel across the way.

I like it here.

Which doesn't make the rent any less Damn High.

Comments

[thanate]

This sounds like the sort of thing where maybe you should take up apartment-looking as an occasional hobby until you find a place perfect enough to *want* to move.

But good for you for finding somewhere you enjoy yourself. :)

[jazzfish]

*nod* That's more or less what it's turned into: E is looking at apartments sort of part-time and we're on no particular deadline. Other than the deadline when "spending less money on rent would be really nice" turns into "spending less money on rent is now mandatory," which I'm hoping to put off as long as possible.

This ... reaction, I guess, came up when she found a couple of potential places two weeks ago, and I just had this very strong "no, i don't want to move" feeling. Some of that was other stuff, that we've talked through, but it's still there, and still there enough to be worth exploring in public, as above.