ugh

[jazzfish]

I don't know what my bloody problem is but this addition / rewrite is slogging through molasses. Or #3 maple syrup, if you prefer. (I do.)

Some of it's timing in the middle of a busy month, some of it's having trouble getting into any kind of flow. More of it's looking at what I've written, both in the previous version and in the changes I've made here, and thinking, "this doesn't do anything at all like what i want it to." I'm not picking up the pace, not enough; I'm not making things get any worse any sooner; my new character isn't doing a damned thing. None of it makes any sort of sense to me. I'm trying to change the existing shape of a story and it is just. not. happening. Nevermind that I can see perfectly well why the shape as it is now doesn't work, nevermind that I know what needs to change to make it work, the changes are resisting my every effort. And then two days or a week later I look and say "of course it's resisting, because that's the wrong thing to put there, it isn't doing what i need it to at all." Bleh.

I keep reminding myself that there are people, at least two of them, who had good things to say about it as it was. It doesn't really help.

"You write quickly, right?" TNH asked me. And yeah, I do, when the words are coming, when I know the shape of the story. Then I can write reasonably fast. This right here is just horrible, slow, depressing. Getting nowhere.

I will of course be missing my self-imposed deadline of "submit by end of november." Maybe if I buckle down I can get it out the door, or at least drafted, by the end of the year. And hope the editor in question doesn't respond with a "pfft, took him that long to make a few simple changes?"

Some amount of this is directly related to a lack of writing community in my life. Oh well. I don't really see that changing in the near future so I had better learn to live with it.

Comments

[aamcnamara]

Writing quickly is, I've found, all very well when you know what you're doing. When you don't, the ability to put words one after another on the page very quickly... is suddenly a useless skill.

Fortunately, I have also found that when you are deep in the mire, you are probably on your way out already. I predict that someday soon you will wake up and go "Oh--oh!"

Also, sometimes all it needs is for you to back off and do something else for a little while while your subconscious works on it. Which may mean breaking your self-imposed deadline.

(I'm working on post-VP novel revisions, myself, but I'm mostly keeping the shape of the novel the same--thank goodness--so a lot of my slowness is finals-related.)

*waves pompoms*

[jazzfish]

I really hope so. I thought I had already, and I keep having these sort of mini-plot-epiphanies, and then two days later they look like an improvement over previous but not enough to fix the basic problem.

bleh. Only way out is through and all that. This... is deeply frustrating, in a whole new way. It's not even "my writing sucks," it's "my lack of writing would suck if there were any writing going on."

(Not helped by having Other Stupid Brain Stuff going on as well, of course. Bleh and double bleh.)

(Also, cheerleading is deeply appreciated, thank you.)

[thanate]

I can't really see someone who a) didn't give you an actual deadline, and b) has been working with writers for decades, getting upset about new blood taking a couple months to do revisions. Just saying.

Hang in there! Also, what Alena said.

[jazzfish]

I really hope so. It's more in the nature of... I dunno, even, just Worry. Which I expect means you're right.

And, thanks.

[queenoftheskies]

Are you trying to change the story based only on the feedback you got? Other people's opinions? Or are you allowing the story to evolve naturally to fit the feedback you received?

I find, often, that if I fight with a story to make it what I want it to be or to conform to feedback, I get nowhere. But, by allowing it to evolve naturally, I end up with something better.

You know you're a great writer. Being at VP proved that, didn't it? I agree with what everyone else said. You can do it. You are doing it. Sometimes, you just have to cut yourself some slack, look away for a short while, and look back at it with new eyes.

Go you!

[jazzfish]

Hm. The feedback I got (other than the contradictory kind, of which there was a great deal, or the easy-to-fix kind, of which there was less) consisted mostly of "too much setup, not enough plot." There was also an editorial request for another 5k words (actual request being "flesh this out, to, well, I'd like to see 11k-12k") and a suggestion that the way to get those extra 5k words was to add another character. Which character can be used to make more things happen sooner.

The shape the story had originally was flawed, in ways that seem to be fundamental to how I write and to tendencies that I need to revise out. (Too much early dithering and flailing.) Even knowing better now it still looks "right" to me as it is, and I keep wanting things to fit into that shape.

And, eep. Thank you.

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

I get the impression that unless there is a deadline with production people waiting, no editor remembers how long has passed since they saw a thing last. What they do remember is the story, and what they said.

Most editors are pretty much gone for the count by this date, anyway--they are hastily finishing up Stuff, then comes the holiday. So why not set yourself a late January goal, and let yourself breathe?

[jazzfish]

*deep breath*

That all makes a great deal of good sense. Thank you, very muchly.

*deep breath*

[blairmacg.livejournal.com]

Oh, do I understand. I'm slogging through some of the same feelings with parts of my novel. And you're right: when we get in that funk, it doesn't matter that others have given us positive feedback. The story isn't where _we_ want it to be.

The only advice I can offer is the contradiction I was told. Either set it aside so you can come back to it with fresh eyes, or write through the funk until you reach the other side. I've done both. Can't say which one works better.

[jazzfish]

That sounds unpleasantly accurate. *sigh*

"Write through the funk" hasn't been working so far but I'm not quite ready to set it aside. Will try for another week or two, I guess.

(Thank you.)

[stealthmuffin.livejournal.com]

A few people have already said not to worry about the editor, but I'll say it again: don't worry about the editor. Editorial opinions can wait.

More of it's looking at what I've written, both in the previous version and in the changes I've made here, and thinking, "this doesn't do anything at all like what i want it to."

Yeah, I hear that. But is it a little closer to what you want it to do? I don't know your process, so I don't know how well this will work for you, but often I find that saying something is good enough for the next draft is all that keeps that draft going. And good for you -- you're actually hearing the little voice that says "here's why it's resisting -- turn this way!" Eventually, the lag time between resistance and new direction will fade (though it might not go away; I revised three chapters entirely wrong and had to junk a week's work after realizing I had the wrong characters hanging around).

You've got us cheering for you. Keep going.

[jazzfish]

... I think so. It's consistently more like what I want it to be. I think. Some of the last batch of revision ideas may have been pushing it back in the wrong direction. It's getting hard to tell. I'm starting to suspect that I may be stabbing myself in the face, in defiance of all advice to the contrary.

*deep breath* okay. One more try at this and if it's still not working then it gets set aside for a bit.

(Thank you. Also, <3 your icon.)