grr

[jazzfish]

The weekend involved a visit from a black mood, about which the less said the better.

Monday evening I discovered that I can't read calendars and thus can't plan, but still get upset when the plan diverges from what I'd thought it was.

Tuesday morning I got a "you seem so nice but" message from someone who sounded really cool and vaguely promising.

Wednesday evening was bad in a way I'm not really ready to talk about. Plus the maple pound cake turned out slightly bitter around the edges of my tongue (in the same way that pancakes do sometimes, which means that all it needs is about a teaspoon of vanilla, but still frustrating).

Tonight is my first trip to a writers' group. I'm a little nervous about what happens if and when this trend continues.

Comments

[isolde-deely.livejournal.com]

*hugs* things will get better

(yes, I am annoying optimist)

[jazzfish]

I'd like to be an optimist. Instead I end up being, I dunno, a status-quo-ist. Or a Newtonian. I expect things to continue along the same trajectory unless acted on by some outside force. (The real problem with this view is that I don't consider myself to be a sufficient force to change the trajectory.)

But, thanks. *hug*

[rislyn.livejournal.com]

Oddly enough, aleph_sub_aleph is pretty exactly that, to the point where it doesn't entirely occur to him that the trajectory *could* be changed. I end up being the "sufficient force", if necessary. It works. And it's not necessarily a bad thing at all.

Irregardless. *hug* Hope you feel better. Or insert some better expression of sympathy-ish sentiment.

[jazzfish]

There's probably good money to be made in a New Yorker or Vanity Fair article about that personality type, because I imagine a lot of gen-X and gen-Y types would read it and think "yeah, that's totally me!" or "oh, that completely explains my slacker [friend] / [sigoth] / [sibling]!"

I expect it's related to learned helplessness. I'm unused to the idea that *I* can change anything about my circumstances. What do you mean, there are options other than 'put up with it' or 'bail entirely?'

And *hug*s are always welcome, and the sympathy is taken in the spirit it's offered.

[rislyn.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's very true. Reminds me of some quotes from Spin. There's a couple places where E.D. says almost the exact same thing to Tyler, talking about the "spin" generation in general. Never really struck me before.

[tamnonlinear.livejournal.com]

*hug* I'm sorry it's rough right now. I hope better things are coming.

[jazzfish]

Thanks. *hug*

The annoying part is that all of those (except for the black mood over the weekend) are either indications of better things ahead soon, or indications that I'm at least trying to encounter such things. They're just . . . going wrong.

[selki.livejournal.com]

I think it's good that you see the *possibility* of better things ahead, though. I hope the writer's group meeting went well.

[jazzfish]

Thanks. Also, meh. No sign of them.

[thanate.livejournal.com]

Ugh. I know what you mean about plans, though. grauwulf keeps wanting to do spur-of-the-moment drive out to the ocean sorts of things, and I'm practically not capable of this without a day or more's warning. It's very sad.

So, perhaps a writers' group will be a sufficient nudge to your trajectory?

[jazzfish]

Oh, those kinds of changes-in-plans I'm actually good with. It's the bad kind of plan-changing that I don't handle gracefully. Such as, to pick an example not at all at random, finding out that out-of-contact is going to last a day or two past where I'd expected it to.

Going to the writers' group is another example of trying to do something to change trajectory in a larger sense, which is in a way where all these problems come from. It's the 'things keep going wrong with those attempts' that's getting me down.

[ancientsong.livejournal.com]

:Breaking LJ silence here:

While I'm sorry certain things aren't going the way you want them to, I keep thinking that certain things are and even if the changes don't seem like they are going to be "really great" right away, I agree with your statement above that these are all things that are moving in the right direction (or better things ahead).

And YAY for going to the writer's group. I'm looking very forward to hearing what happened.

Sending you support and hugs.

[jazzfish]

Thanks. It's mostly just frustration. I'm trying to keep misuba's Six Rejections in mind. (In particular, "you know, if you were really trying out there, you'd be falling down more.")

[ancientsong.livejournal.com]

My friend J is an Olympic class skier. We were talking about skiing once and he said that he falls and falls relatively often.

"Why?"

"Because if you're not falling every once in a while, you're not skiing hard enough."

To me, those are words to live by.

[babushek.livejournal.com]

I think there's just some kind of bad week juju going around. And can I just say that really, the maple pound cake thing would have been what would push me over the edge in that list. Like, seriously? Why can I not just have a yummy baked good? Come ON universe! *hug*

[jazzfish]

Yeah, that was pretty annoying. I mean, it's maple, it's gotta be good, right? Only, not so much, it's turned out a little dry and a little tasteless. Graah.