"mumble, mumble, mumble."

[jazzfish]

Ladies and gentlemen, the pomegranate (courtesy baranoouji). Not to be confused with zerblinitzky's kiwi preparation.

Dinner with most of the cast plus Barb the director and Chris the stage manager. Barb cooked spaghetti and a meat sauce. Pretty good stuff. Then we sat around and talked for awhile.

I can say "I just don't like groups of new people," but it's not that simple. Partly I find them kind of boring (read: not interested in the same things I am), but there's also the constant feeling of having to check myself. To not (e.g.) go on at length about Return of the King and what the point of the Scouring of the Shire was, or why it wasn't included in the movie, because they don't care. What do I care what other people think? A lot, evidently. My clothes, my reading material, my hobbies; with these it doesn't so much worry me that they're Not Normal. (Name me one other person who wears a beat-up trenchcoat and sandals in the dead of winter.) But my thoughts. . . that's where I can be hurt. (It's like being back in junior high. Maybe because that was the last time I tried to interact socially with people with whom I had very little in common.) So I clam up. I try to be thought more-or-less 'normal.' I hate it, but I hate more the sideways stares I get when I open my mouth.

It's been days since I've had a real unguarded conversation. Clearly I need to hunt someone down and babble at zir.

Comments

[awakedreamer.livejournal.com]

That's too bad. I'm afraid that I've become so acustomed to have geek friends around me that I´'ve forgot that feeling, but it's quite awful to be hiding your personality from others...

I know it isn't too much, but you can count on me to read your geek ramblings here anytime you want ;).

[jazzfish]

*nod* Me too. I'd gotten vague uneasiness flashes last fall when I started spending time with theatre people, but this was the first time the feelings had jelled sufficiently for me to put names to them.

I figure, people who are reading this are doing so because they want to know more about me; if they've got problems with who I am they can always stop reading. Which is a long-winded way of saying "Thanks." :)

[lizthefair.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you did (put words to it, not that you feel that way)

It actually helped me identify why I always felt so intelectually inferior when I first started hanging out with you all. . it may just have been a matter of different interests.

(I don't feel that way any more btw)

Anyway, thanks.

[jazzfish]

Very much so. (ramble snipped; it probably wants its own post) Just 'cos we geek differently doesn't mean we're all that smart.

Unrelated, if y'all are free this evening I'd like to get together and talk. I won't be checking email 'til much later, so if you could call & leave a msg that'd be great.