spectrality
Jan. 19th, 2023 05:30 pmSome things about me:
Turns out I'm reluctant to just come out and say that, though. Initially I was reluctant to claim that label because I figured people would just respond "nah you're not autistic, stop putting on airs." (In fairness something similar or at least related did happen the first time I talked to Erin about the idea. Thankfully that's been navigated, and she's now more forward than I am about autism.)
That's not what's going on now, though. It's more the reverse, where I expect to be put in an expectations box of at best no-social-skills. I appreciate the label for myself, it means I have a name for all the stuff that I'd previously assumed was just my brain being weird or broken. But from someone external it potentially comes with a whole host of assumptions that I just don't want to try and navigate.
Which of course means it's important that I do just say it, when relevant. Only way to break down those assumptions is to bring it into the light, show folks that autism's not just white-dude assholes.
Honestly I'm partial to describing myself as "spectral" (as in, on the autism spectrum), both because it avoids or at least defuses the expectactions-box and because it's wordplay that I'm proud of and fond of. But it's a bit too obscure unless I'm in a conversation that's already touched on 'the autism spectrum,' and at that point it's less necessary. Ah well.
- I do not do well with ambiguity and what looks like conflicting-information, I get agitated and confused.
- Probably relatedly, it can take me a minute to process new information and adjust to a new situation. Karawynn once referred to this, in someone else, as 'having a large turning radius,' which I love. (It's not completely accurate: if I realise I need to adjust, I can often do so by just sort of shutting everything down for a minute. I guess in the metaphor I'm a speedboat: if I'm moving I have a wide turning radius but if I'm stopped I can spin in place.)
- I have a very strong tendency to follow social cues from other people / the person I'm talking to.
Turns out I'm reluctant to just come out and say that, though. Initially I was reluctant to claim that label because I figured people would just respond "nah you're not autistic, stop putting on airs." (In fairness something similar or at least related did happen the first time I talked to Erin about the idea. Thankfully that's been navigated, and she's now more forward than I am about autism.)
That's not what's going on now, though. It's more the reverse, where I expect to be put in an expectations box of at best no-social-skills. I appreciate the label for myself, it means I have a name for all the stuff that I'd previously assumed was just my brain being weird or broken. But from someone external it potentially comes with a whole host of assumptions that I just don't want to try and navigate.
Which of course means it's important that I do just say it, when relevant. Only way to break down those assumptions is to bring it into the light, show folks that autism's not just white-dude assholes.
Honestly I'm partial to describing myself as "spectral" (as in, on the autism spectrum), both because it avoids or at least defuses the expectactions-box and because it's wordplay that I'm proud of and fond of. But it's a bit too obscure unless I'm in a conversation that's already touched on 'the autism spectrum,' and at that point it's less necessary. Ah well.