Indeed do many things come to pass

One of the worst (and maybe hardest) things about being a teacher is this:

If I make a professional mistake, and learn from it, and grow, and add to my toolbox, and develop new skills, and come up with new ideas and get better, that still doesn't help the students I had before that happened, who I did not teach as well as I could've, and who genuinely deserved better.

Improvement over time is great, and a genuinely good thing, and I really do think it is happening to me. But it feels rotten to know that it comes on the backs of the students I underserved.

~Sor
MOOP!

Accomplishments for Today:

Work:
*Did normal workday things!
*Adapted a resource from a coworker and made it more thorough for my Algebra kids
*Put in all the participation grades from this week
*Afterschool PDs, yayyyy.

Social:
*Spent like...an hour after PD chatting with coworkers and kvetching cheerfully about school and stuff.
*Found anu3bis on my commute home, followed him to his new house and spent an hour chatting with him and balsamic_dragon and the LionCub. We're gonna have dinner a week from Friday! I might show them Anna and the Apocalypse that night! This is all REALLY AWESOME!
*Veronica pinged me and was all "do you wanna Do A Skype Tonight?" and yes, yes I very much do, so I am currently Skyping with Veronica while she knits and I do my words. Veronica is best <3!

Physical:
*I did not go to bed before 11 last night, but I did go to bed before 11:30, and I did set my alarm for 7 hours. I think I woke up briefly before it went off, but trusted the alarm and went back to sleep.
*Also I got up without hitting snooze, but that only sorta counts because I was at Austin's and it's a lot easier to not hit snooze if I know that by jumping in and out of the bed I'm being obnoxious to my partner.
*WENT TO HIGHLAND for the first time in a month and we did FOUR DANCES which is a _lot_ of dances, sheesus. Including Bonnie Dundee which is so hard and I hate it, but I am demonstrably better every time I actually make it there. But we did sword dance, which I tend to like, and Hornpipe, which is the only Highland dance I definitively love.

Personal:
*Caught up on today's emails, including the four or five from yesterday after I had "caught up". Not even *delaying* on them, the ones that needed action, I took the damn action (be it reading the patreon post, responding to the personal stuff, or sending in my kickstarter surveys).
*Am writing my words for the 138th day in a row. They're not done yet, but I think I will probably make it.
*Edit: I did successfully do it! Also almost 400 of them were _fiction_, so that's clearly amazing.
*Gonna take a shower, shut up, it's allowed to be an accomplishment. Unfortunately, I'm probably not going to wash my hair, which I do need to do sometime soon, but still. Regular shower is good!
*School lunch today was _really good_. It was mashed potatoes and tangerine chicken (sortof a sweet-glazed style) and carrots and damn, I was so satisfied with all of it.

Yes, I'm going to continue to do these until I get bored and distracted, so don't worry, like three more days.

~Sor
MOOP!

I dunno how long it will last, but fuckit, I'm tired of being Absolute Trash and I'd like to just generally Suck Less. So here's some things we're gonna do about it.

(Yes obvs we're going to do all of these at once, how else do I completely guarantee burning out in less than a week and forgetting all positive progress?)

*Sleep! Look, fine, I've hit the tipping point. Let me reassure you, I still utterly despise the very concept of sleep. It's so boring. It's so much time where you could be doing fun and/or useful things. I hate it so so so so much. BUT. Working hypothesis, drawn by everyone on the internet talking about it and also mek calling me out and also confirmed as probable by my therapist, is that if I sleep more, then my waking time will be less braindead and more productive. I will be able to do more fun and/or useful things anyways! What a clever trick.

yeah, I hate everything about this, but I'm gonna try and commit to getting more sleep, through some combination of: long afternoon naps (1-2 sleep cycles), setting my alarm for realistically later and not hitting snooze (since we all know all those nine minute cycles are not actually helpful or restful¹), actually going the fuck to bed when it's bedtime (which is 11 on school nights, you know that you ponce what even was last night), and trying to get some of my prep-work done afterschool so I can arrive at school later in the morning (as in, not times that start with 6, yes really, all the damn time) instead of frantically needing a half-hour per different class before school starts at 7:45.

I don't think I will do all of those on the same day. I don't think I'll do any of them reliably or regularly. Recommendations for other ways to make sleep more frequent are great. Telling me to go the fuck to bed is also good.

*Emails! The greatest blow to my ego in the last two years² was hearing a friend describe me as "bad at email" to another friend. Mostly because she was right, which is a vile fact and I'm sorry for it.

Anyways, the whole "one day at a time" thing applies here, and I've done all the emails for today. Inbox zero is a legitimately impossible thing, but maybe I can get _fewer than 4k fucking unread emails kthanks_. I did do a bunch of new label-filters, so that'll help. One step at a time, whee!

*Fiction! did you know I brought a story for other people to read, complete damn strangers, and they reacted positively? I am absolutely reeling! And yes, mek's writing group is full of super nice people, but still! Maybe I should try fiction writing more sometime, because legit, that was from 2014.

*Work! we're not gonna talk about how things are going at work shhh everything's fine, no I'm not in the hell-space where evidence is in but I don't know yet if I have a job next year hahaha it's great everything's great why wouldn't it be great?

*Social! It's not winter anymore! I mean, the weather is awful (repent to your weather lords), but we're out of the really cold and dark SAD season. So maybe I can start interacting positively with people I like? I use google chat and discord, hmu! Yes, I would love to do a short fun social with you in a late afternoon or early evening! Maybe a dinner before dancing sometime? Ice cream on a Friday night? Who knows!

*Housecleaning Yeah, so like, I filed extension-on-taxes, which involved sending a rough approximation of money to the government, but I based it on the 2017 amount I sent, which was WAY HIGHER than it would be this year, because I spent half of 2017 self-employed and not paying my own taxes. What does this have to do with Housecleaning? The fact that my mail is currently scattered through the fucking disaster that is my bedroom and maybe if I organized All That I could get my tax stuff actually done for real and get some money back from the government. That'd be keen!

If you would like to literally or metaphorically (via Skype/Hangouts/whathaveyou) sit on my bed and keep me company some afternoon while I roomclean, that'd be incredibly useful and I'd be very into it.

SO THAT'S ME! I'M GONNA DO ALL THE THINGS FOREVER WHERE FOREVER IS APPROXIMATELY FORTY-EIGHT HOURS AND ALSO I CAN'T EVEN HOUSECLEAN BECAUSE I'M NOT AT HOME TONIGHT!

<3
~Sor
MOOP!

1: One of my favourite things about the digital age is the ability to highlight any word I type and hit the "look up" button on my computer and have an immediate pop-up of the actual definition. Case in point, I originally had restive here, but that is actually the exact opposite! Thanks dictionary!

2: The greatest blow to my ego ever was probably not getting hired back at the private school, but that was now more than two years ago. Time is marching on and all.