Posted by Ask a Manager
https://www.askamanager.org/2026/04/senior-employee-is-a-terrible-communicator-retaliation-via-nut-and-more.html
https://www.askamanager.org/?p=37397
It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…
1. My senior employee is a terrible communicator
My employee, “Jordan,” has been in a senior role for 15 years. Their job involves communication and coordination across many different teams and with customers; understanding and being understood is one of the most important competencies. Jordan’s communication skills are lacking. I have highlighted this as an area for improvement every year I have been their manager (nearly five years) and in annual goals and performance reviews, as did their previous manager.
Jordan has attended trainings and I have provided job aids and feedback, but there has been little improvement. I deliver feedback at our weekly meetings, and I only raise one thing at a time, even though there are usually 3-5 communication breakdowns I’ve observed. I bring it up and ask for their perspective, then talk through my perspective and what I’d like to see differently in the future. I give feedback 1-2 times per month, because more than that feels like I am putting them down and being nitpicky every time we talk.
Jordan seems to disagree with me. I believe this is the root of their lack of improvement — they don’t think they need to improve because they don’t believe me that there is a problem. When I ask what support they need, they have not been able to give me anything actionable, just “I will work on it.” My boss and I feel that if Jordan can’t improve in this skill, we may need to replace them.
Jordan struggles to put themselves in the context of the person with whom they are communicating and, conversely, when they are interpreting someone else’s communication, they struggle to put themselves into the context the person is speaking from and what matters to them. Here’s one typical recent example: Jordan needs to, let’s say, change the design of a teapot a customer has ordered for five years. The customer asked, “Will the new teapots still be able to go in the dishwasher?” Jordan responded, “You can still wash the teapots.” The customer interpreted that response as a “yes.” I knew that we hadn’t tested whether the teapots could go in the dishwasher, and that Jordan was speaking about hand-washing. I said, “We aren’t sure if the teapots can go in the dishwasher. We will get back to you.” Jodan later emailed the customer, “I have confirmed with the Dishwashing Safety team that the teapots are rated to 90 degrees.” The customer does not know what that means; they do not know that we consider teapots rated to 150 degrees to be dishwasher safe, and anything less not safe. I had to again jump in to clarify that the teapots aren’t dishwasher safe. Jordan delivered, verbatim, the response from our internal team to the customer without doing any translation into the customer’s context, or even making sure that the answer actually answered the customer’s question. The customer could have left with the impression that the teapots are dishwasher safe, resulting in customers unhappy when their teapots did not withstand dishwashing.
I’ve asked my boss, HR, and manager friends about how to coach Jordan. One person advised that I should document every instance of communication issues and review them with Jordan weekly. I am concerned that, particularly for a senior employee, this will feel as if I am hovering over their shoulder watching everything they do and documenting every tiny mistake they make, which will be demoralizing. What do you think?
Jordan isn’t right for this job.
You’ve been coaching them for nearly five years. They not only haven’t improved, they disagree that there’s even a problem to fix.
The reality is, not everyone has the skills you’re looking for. Some people can get better at it within the amount of time that a manager can reasonably invest in coaching. Some people could get better at it if they had extremely hands-on help over a long period of time, going beyond what’s reasonable for a manager to invest. Even with that, some people won’t ever get better at it to the level that’s needed in a job where it’s a central and essential skill.
You have made a good faith effort, and it’s not working. It’s time to move to the next step in managing the situation, which means telling Jordan very clearly that things are now at the point where if you don’t see XYZ specific changes in XYZ amount of time, you will need to let them go. (That amount of time should not be lengthy, given how long you’ve already been working on this — I’d give a maximum of two months to demonstrate significant improvement or otherwise you’ll just be dragging things out for no reason.)
Related:
my employee can’t accept that his performance is bad
2. My coworker is in crisis but not doing her work
I work for a very small company (literally four employees and the boss) that I was hired to eight months ago. HR is one of several roles that I fulfill, and one I’ve had zero training for. My boss is great but he’s away from the office most of the time because he isn’t a U.S. citizen and he travels a lot, so we employees are very free with little oversight most of the time.
Enter problematic coworker, Lisa. Lisa is a wonderful coworker and good friend … most of the time. Other times, she gets drunk at work and misses workdays with little notice, even though she’s already used up all her allowed PTO for the year. In the last few months, she’s lost both her parents and had some other serious personal stuff going on; she’s really going through it and I would feel for her deeply even if we weren’t friends.
Recently she was hospitalized for what I suspect may have been an attempt to end things, though I don’t know that for certain. She’s been saying she’ll work from home while she recovers, but she doesn’t answer work messages or send emails, which is a major portion of her job. I don’t want her to be stressed out when she should be recovering, and I definitely don’t want her to lose her job, but like I said, she’s used her PTO for the year already and she’s just not doing her work. I’m worried the boss will let her go considering the problems we’ve had with her in the past, but I also don’t feel right about just letting her miss work. What do you recommend?
Oh no. Your company is too small to be covered by FMLA (which would require you to hold her job for her for up to three months while she’s on leave), but that doesn’t mean that it can’t choose to offer something similar.
How senior is your role? If you’re fairly junior and your HR work is usually things like dealing with benefits paperwork and ensuring payroll gets processed (as opposed to higher-level HR strategy, employee relations, management, etc.), it’s probably not really within your purview to handle this; your boss would need to. But someone should be reaching out to Lisa to find out what she needs during this time and giving her some options, which ideally would include the option to take extended leave if she needs it. (If we’re using FMLA as a framework, that leave would normally be unpaid since she’s out of PTO, although of course in practice that can make it harder for people to use it.)
3. How honest can I be in a stay interview?
My organization recently announced that they will be conducting stay interviews. In the past, they conducted anonymous surveys to get an idea of general workplace perception and environment, and I do not know if the interviews are in place of or in addition to the survey. Either way, I do have real issues with the organization and its leadership that I have raised on surveys in the past but which still remain unaddressed (mostly to do with a lack of timely communication between leadership and staff and attempted standardizations of policy that only work for staff in non-public-facing positions, although there are also unaddressed issues involving a huge safety lapse a couple of years ago) but am unsure of whether it’s safe to bring up those concerns in a stay interview.
I feel like it would be one thing to mention these issues in an anonymous survey or even an exit interview, but I am concerned that something I say in a position where they will know who I am and that I currently intend to continue working for the organization could potentially be held against me. Are my concerns founded? Will being fully honest in a stay interview potentially harm me, or would it be more helpful to share the issues I feel the organization has?
There’s no guarantee that your feedback in a stay interview won’t be used against you. It shouldn’t be — that would go against the entire spirit and purpose of conducting them — but does it happen? Sure. Not all the time and not under good managers, but enough that it’s a legitimate worry.
Generally the way you know whether it’s safe to be honest with upward feedback in any form, and particularly when it’s non-anonymous, is by watching whether your company has done the work to assure people it’s safe. That’s stuff like creating opportunities for meaningful input that’s taken seriously and at least sometimes acted on, actively welcoming dissent, and demonstrably not penalizing people who offer opinions that make leadership uncomfortable. If you haven’t seen enough of that to feel comfortable, assume it’s safer to pull your punches.
On top of all that, in your case, you’ve already raised these issues and they haven’t acted on them. So they already have the info you’re considering offering with your name attached this time; there’s not a lot of benefit to you in sticking your neck out further.
4. When you’re allergic to nuts and your employer puts nuts in your workplace as retaliation
A question based on a novel I read recently. The main character is a waitress with a severe nut allergy. The restaurant doesn’t serve nuts, so it’s all good. She upsets the owner and comes in a few days later to find that they’ve updated the menu to include several items with nuts. When she asks if she’s being fired, she’s told no, that would require paying unemployment, but she’s free to quit if she can no longer perform the job duties.
Other than being overtly evil, this wouldn’t hold up, right? She could still file for and receive unemployment?
She could likely still receive unemployment, both because it’s a fundamental change in the job for her that means she has to leave it through no fault of her own, and also because it’s clearly retaliatory. In fact, depending on what she did to upset the owner, it’s possible there’s legal recourse too; if the nuts were in retaliation for her engaging in legally protected behavior (like making a good faith report of harassment, discrimination, or safety violations or requesting medical or religious accommodations), that would be illegal. And employment lawyers will tell you that retaliation is often much easier to prove than other offenses from an employer.
The post senior employee is a terrible communicator, retaliation via nut, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.
https://www.askamanager.org/2026/04/senior-employee-is-a-terrible-communicator-retaliation-via-nut-and-more.html
https://www.askamanager.org/?p=37397
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