everyone knows this is nowhere but me
Mar. 6th, 2024 10:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jazzfishI wonder if I'm actually doing as well as I think I am.
I feel like I'm doing okay? Classes are going alright (the big group project in Tech Issues is about to start kicking my butt, but other than that). I'm eating reasonably well most of the time. I'm reading, and playing with rope and ye catte. I don't think I'm losing too much time to screens.
I feel much less like I'm constantly in some kind of crisis, so therapy is starting to dig into deeper issues. Which is nice, honestly.
On the other hand I'm not writing much here, which is usually a sign that something is off.
I'm sure some of it's my book: finally reading RF Kuang's The Burning God, which is bleak and callous and depressing (and also very very good), as one would expect from the conclusion to a trilogy about the horrors of war. Rin is a mostly unpleasant, wholly understandable, and often sympathetic viewpoint character. Being in her head is probably not good for me. Only another hundred pages or so, though.
I'm pretty worried about money. More specifically I'm worried about finding a job that a) pays enough to live on and b) I can do while taking classes in the fall. Or I could look for a short-term contract and hope it pays well enough to coast through. I guess we'll see. I may qualify for the Canada disability tax credit as well, now; my doctor needs to fill out a form that I presume talks about how my disability has affected my life, and then I wait some number of months. That ... might be significant money, especially since it can be retroactively applied, but I'm not holding my breath.
I'm lonely, but no more so than usual, and not feeling motivated to try and be more sociable. I'm a bit tired a lot of the time. Inclined to blame both of those on wintergrey, which feels like it hadn't hit as hard this year until the last couple of weeks to month.
Terminal City Tabletop Convention is next weekend and I'm not particularly looking forward to it. I'm going down to Bellingham with Julianne on Sunday, to see Labyrinth in IMAX, and I'm only barely looking forward to that. Hm. Definitely not good. I'm at a bit of a loss to know what else to do about it right now, though.
Onward, and perhaps tomorrow will be lighter?
I feel like I'm doing okay? Classes are going alright (the big group project in Tech Issues is about to start kicking my butt, but other than that). I'm eating reasonably well most of the time. I'm reading, and playing with rope and ye catte. I don't think I'm losing too much time to screens.
I feel much less like I'm constantly in some kind of crisis, so therapy is starting to dig into deeper issues. Which is nice, honestly.
On the other hand I'm not writing much here, which is usually a sign that something is off.
I'm sure some of it's my book: finally reading RF Kuang's The Burning God, which is bleak and callous and depressing (and also very very good), as one would expect from the conclusion to a trilogy about the horrors of war. Rin is a mostly unpleasant, wholly understandable, and often sympathetic viewpoint character. Being in her head is probably not good for me. Only another hundred pages or so, though.
I'm pretty worried about money. More specifically I'm worried about finding a job that a) pays enough to live on and b) I can do while taking classes in the fall. Or I could look for a short-term contract and hope it pays well enough to coast through. I guess we'll see. I may qualify for the Canada disability tax credit as well, now; my doctor needs to fill out a form that I presume talks about how my disability has affected my life, and then I wait some number of months. That ... might be significant money, especially since it can be retroactively applied, but I'm not holding my breath.
I'm lonely, but no more so than usual, and not feeling motivated to try and be more sociable. I'm a bit tired a lot of the time. Inclined to blame both of those on wintergrey, which feels like it hadn't hit as hard this year until the last couple of weeks to month.
Terminal City Tabletop Convention is next weekend and I'm not particularly looking forward to it. I'm going down to Bellingham with Julianne on Sunday, to see Labyrinth in IMAX, and I'm only barely looking forward to that. Hm. Definitely not good. I'm at a bit of a loss to know what else to do about it right now, though.
Onward, and perhaps tomorrow will be lighter?
no subject
Date: 2024-03-07 06:58 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2024-03-09 06:32 pm (UTC)On the other hand I'm not writing much here, which is usually a sign that something is off.
Ha, same realisation for me today.
♥
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