nearly a month i guess, yeesh

[jazzfish]

A couple of weeks ago I had an assignment that needed to get done, that I knew needed to get done, and that I'd been planning for a couple of days on getting done. So of course I procrastinated on it until sometime after lunch. Thing is, I could tell it was a normal (for me) procrastination, and I could also tell that once I got started on it I wasn't going to need to stop every ten minutes or whatever, I'd be able to just keep going. Which was in fact the case. It's so nice to have my brain back to not-working in ways I'm used to and expect. Yay drugs, basically.

This also feels like further evidence for the idea that something happened to exacerbate my lack-of-focus between two and, mm, five, years ago. I'm inclined to blame my case of covid in April '22 but who knows.

Anyway. It has been A Few Weeks, i tel yu whut.

I spent a week up north with Erin, which was quite nice and relaxing and still did not particularly lend itself to writing. Lots of snuggling dogs and cats, lots of good cooking, lots of fine weather at -10 and bright and sunny, plus a snowfall or two. Had some good chats with some of her friends in Prince George, too.

We also made it out to a few of the Coldsnap Music Festival shows in Prince George. I have determined that while I appreciate klezmer it is also really not good for my sensory-overload stuff. (The klezmer renditions of Hungarian Dance No. 5 and Misirlou were pretty great, though.) Also the double-bill of "rock trio (lyrics in an indigenous language)" and "blues (lyrics in English)" really shows off the musical connections between blues and rock'n'roll. I've missed live shows, and I've missed live shows with Erin.

That whole relationship is ... coming / bringing-brought into some kind of stable state. I'm functional and stable enough myself now to have a number of conversations that I would have liked to have had earlier (deliberately vague). I'm feeling, I guess maybe... heard, and like there's the possibility of working towards an actually mutual state. Less like I need to sacrifice myself to get what I want. Learning how to be a grown-up.

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Then I had a few days to scramble on classwork, before Steph came out for a few days. This... it is not literally the first time in eighteen years a partner has come to visit me: Erin's come down from Fort a few times. But those often feel more like "erin is coming down for a number of reasons, of which seeing me is one, and crashing at my place is convenient."

We went out and did touristy-ish Vancouver things on the one day the sun was out: Dressew, MacLeod's Books, Finch's coffeehouse, wandering around. Remembering how I fell in love with Vancouver, in more or less that same way, just taking in the city. It's a little bittersweet, now. I don't think I'm staying here: between the impossible housing prices and the overpoweringly grey winters, I don't think it's For Me. But still, it's good to feel that again.

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And after that was recovery and most of Midterm Week and further classwork, from which I seem to be mostly up for air at the moment?

I'm feeling more connected to people now than I have for awhile, and it's nice. Classes are generally manageable; I'm doing well in three of the four and I am reasonably confident that I'll do Well Enough in TechIssues. The sun's coming back. I have books and even a few hobbies.

I also have aforementioned money woes. Plus a car that apparently needs to go into the shop for real; the dealership threatened to charge me $2500 to fix something six months ago, and now the CHECK ENGINE light is on along with a warning about the antilock brakes. Fun times. At least I don't strictly -need- a car.

I dunno. I'm feeling spacey today but that's likely a result of stepping up my ADHDosage and consequently forgetting to eat lunch again. Gotta be careful of that. Overall I think things are good right now and will be good long-term. Optimistic, is I guess what they call it. I like it.

Comments

[reedrover]

Optimism. Hope. Those are dangerous and helpful in equal measure. Best wishes for good outcomes from them!

[jazzfish]

Thank you! I an generally inclined to take them when they come; they're not terribly common in my experience, and active skepticism doesn't seem to help much with whatever outcome.