ancient history, man
Dec. 20th, 2023 10:18 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jazzfishI've been reviewing my childhood medical records. Looks like in third and fourth grade I wasn't paying attention in class or doing schoolwork I found boring or unpleasant. My fourth grade teacher (Mrs Weikel, who I mostly remember as "nicer than Mrs Leyden") suggested the possibility of ADD in the fall. One diagnosis and one Ritalin prescription later, and per her reports I was sitting still, paying attention, and generally feeling better about myself(!). Next year's teachers reported no ADD symptoms whatsoever.
The dosage gradually scaled back over the next several years. There were a couple of attempts to take me off it altogether; those mostly saw a return to pre-Ritalin normal, and I was back on it within six weeks.
I went off Ritalin for good the summer before eighth grade. My grades immediately started to suffer but in my defence that was the year my English teacher assigned weekly homework that included "write these twenty spelling words five times each" and got offended when I handed in reports that were written on the computer. And next year I was at a much much harder high school so of course I was struggling a bit, and when a couple years later I got bad enough for Professional Help my terrible therapist had never heard of hyperfocus so of course ADD was immediately ruled out, and the rest is history.
The other reason nobody noticed that I started doing worse when I went off Ritalin is that it was the summer of 1990, at Fort Bragg. Dad deployed to Saudi Arabia in late August for Desert Shield/Storm and didn't get back until early April. It's fair to say the Taylor family had a lot going on.
I dunno. I'm pretty sure "boring" isn't really right. "Unpleasant" is but that's so vague as to be mostly useless. As I understand it from here, there are tasks that my brain insists I'll be miserable while doing and won't be any happier having done. So I literally can't do them, at least not until some outside force makes them worth doing. Usually that's some form of deadline anxiety, which comes with its own host of problems.
More fuel for "I wish that had been different," plus "at least I know better now." Will see what the ADHDoc says this afternoon.
The dosage gradually scaled back over the next several years. There were a couple of attempts to take me off it altogether; those mostly saw a return to pre-Ritalin normal, and I was back on it within six weeks.
I went off Ritalin for good the summer before eighth grade. My grades immediately started to suffer but in my defence that was the year my English teacher assigned weekly homework that included "write these twenty spelling words five times each" and got offended when I handed in reports that were written on the computer. And next year I was at a much much harder high school so of course I was struggling a bit, and when a couple years later I got bad enough for Professional Help my terrible therapist had never heard of hyperfocus so of course ADD was immediately ruled out, and the rest is history.
The other reason nobody noticed that I started doing worse when I went off Ritalin is that it was the summer of 1990, at Fort Bragg. Dad deployed to Saudi Arabia in late August for Desert Shield/Storm and didn't get back until early April. It's fair to say the Taylor family had a lot going on.
I dunno. I'm pretty sure "boring" isn't really right. "Unpleasant" is but that's so vague as to be mostly useless. As I understand it from here, there are tasks that my brain insists I'll be miserable while doing and won't be any happier having done. So I literally can't do them, at least not until some outside force makes them worth doing. Usually that's some form of deadline anxiety, which comes with its own host of problems.
More fuel for "I wish that had been different," plus "at least I know better now." Will see what the ADHDoc says this afternoon.