another year in the rear-view
Jan. 2nd, 2015 12:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jazzfishFor the first time in a long time, I feel not-terrible about the year that's gone.
I visited Ajijic, Niagara, Portland, DC (twice), the Outer Banks, and Madison. Plus Jonesboro AR for my grandmother's funeral &c. And of course occasional trips down to B'ham/Seattle, at one of which we came in different from how we left. Again, acceptable. I have a sneaking suspicion that I'll be traveling less in the coming year.
I think I made a few new friends this year. That's "friends" as distinct from "acquaintances," where the distinction is something like "people i would be comfortable, or would like to be comfortable, spending a couple hours with in a small group, and who seem to reciprocate." Still don't feel like I've found a larger group, or any individuals, that I really click with. Baby steps.
It occurs to me that I am unable to objectively judge my social life. There is a thing that happens to me on occasion, where someone who I think the world of, and who I don't know as well as I'd like, is excited about getting to see me and rearranges their schedule to do so. I do not understand this. It's weird! It entirely fails to fit with my perception of myself! Anyway, this happened at New Year, where a few people who I like a lot but feel like I haven't quite clicked with showed up, either briefly or for the entire evening, and it was both awesome and disconcerting. I may need to revise some amount of my thinking about myself, except that I'm not sure how.
Money has been interesting, and mostly good. I mean, except for the part where my monthly income dropped by around two-thirds. We cut expenses substantially by moving out to New Westminster, anduilos is gainfully employed at a not-miserable job, and the EI checks (well, direct-deposits) have started to come in. So we're doing fine, and will continue to be doing fine until at least June when uilos's contract is up, and probably through August when EI runs out. Most likely for much longer than that, since I do have a decent bit tucked away in savings and our expenses aren't so high.
I'll need to figure out what I'm doing with myself sooner or later, though.
So... what have I done with myself? I wrote a story in an hour for the Wiscon Spontaneous Writing Contest (and won!), and I rewrote an old fragment for Apex's Halloween short-short contest (and didn't win). I got a lot of good feedback on City of Memory and then just let it sit. I sputtered along and then stalled out on a couple of other stories. I got my cello fixed and took up viola. I ran a weekly-ish RPG with an overly intricate storyline. I kept posting here. I kept talking.
Perhaps the best summary of how things have changed this year comes from what I wrote last year: Status quo: unsustainable in the long run, and unalterable in the short run. Well. It altered. Not as dramatically as 2010 (*hawk, spit*) or as visibly as 2011, but in its own earth-shaking way. I don't know what happens next-- and that is about the coolest thing I can imagine.
I visited Ajijic, Niagara, Portland, DC (twice), the Outer Banks, and Madison. Plus Jonesboro AR for my grandmother's funeral &c. And of course occasional trips down to B'ham/Seattle, at one of which we came in different from how we left. Again, acceptable. I have a sneaking suspicion that I'll be traveling less in the coming year.
I think I made a few new friends this year. That's "friends" as distinct from "acquaintances," where the distinction is something like "people i would be comfortable, or would like to be comfortable, spending a couple hours with in a small group, and who seem to reciprocate." Still don't feel like I've found a larger group, or any individuals, that I really click with. Baby steps.
It occurs to me that I am unable to objectively judge my social life. There is a thing that happens to me on occasion, where someone who I think the world of, and who I don't know as well as I'd like, is excited about getting to see me and rearranges their schedule to do so. I do not understand this. It's weird! It entirely fails to fit with my perception of myself! Anyway, this happened at New Year, where a few people who I like a lot but feel like I haven't quite clicked with showed up, either briefly or for the entire evening, and it was both awesome and disconcerting. I may need to revise some amount of my thinking about myself, except that I'm not sure how.
Money has been interesting, and mostly good. I mean, except for the part where my monthly income dropped by around two-thirds. We cut expenses substantially by moving out to New Westminster, and
uilos is gainfully employed at a not-miserable job, and the EI checks (well, direct-deposits) have started to come in. So we're doing fine, and will continue to be doing fine until at least June when uilos's contract is up, and probably through August when EI runs out. Most likely for much longer than that, since I do have a decent bit tucked away in savings and our expenses aren't so high.I'll need to figure out what I'm doing with myself sooner or later, though.
So... what have I done with myself? I wrote a story in an hour for the Wiscon Spontaneous Writing Contest (and won!), and I rewrote an old fragment for Apex's Halloween short-short contest (and didn't win). I got a lot of good feedback on City of Memory and then just let it sit. I sputtered along and then stalled out on a couple of other stories. I got my cello fixed and took up viola. I ran a weekly-ish RPG with an overly intricate storyline. I kept posting here. I kept talking.
Perhaps the best summary of how things have changed this year comes from what I wrote last year: Status quo: unsustainable in the long run, and unalterable in the short run. Well. It altered. Not as dramatically as 2010 (*hawk, spit*) or as visibly as 2011, but in its own earth-shaking way. I don't know what happens next-- and that is about the coolest thing I can imagine.
what i wanted was a moment to be real
to fire my bones to liquid stone, to something i could feel
to polish all the tarnish and underneath reveal
that i could shine for a time like Bethlehem Steel
no subject
Date: 2015-01-03 12:10 am (UTC)Yeah, I get that social thing. My default is that people are generous and kind about putting up with my presence.
no subject
Date: 2015-01-04 07:41 pm (UTC)That seems most likely ... but it's still weird / hard to accept. O brain, you make things difficult.