a year in revue

[jazzfish]

I traveled some. I fell in love with Vancouver, reaffirmed my abiding affection for Seattle, and hooked up with Bellingham a couple of times but I don't think there's anything serious going on there. I went camping thrice. There were obligatory pilgrimages to Columbus for Origins and to the beach for a familial gathering (and, earlier, for gaming). And a Presidential getaway to Luray, which is both overtouristed and still kinda neat.

I went to things, above and beyond just "places." Three Girlyman shows (I think this means they're officially My Favorite Band), plus Dar and Richard Shindell and Winterbloom. Tribal Cafe, thanks to tamnonlinear. A party at the Swedish embassy, thanks to A-- who kayaks. And the occasional friendly gathering, and Cat Vacuuming (more anon). Despite some amount of hermiting due to Life Stuff the second half of the year I seem to have done more things. Curious.

I mostly stopped role-playing. I wrapped up my Over the Edge game in April when we lost a player and it turned into GURPS. Then D&D collapsed in July when the host moved to Kiev, and aforementioned Life Stuff had me too stressed to deal with the semiweekly GURPS hosting or the rotating Marvel Superheroes. Two nights ago I /did/ get to play Changeling again, which reminded me both how much I love Changeling and how much I hate its magic system.

I started writing again, and then sort of stopped, maybe a third of the way through a story. I still go to Cat Vacuuming and I'm supposed to have something to submit there by, um, sometime in mid-January. Guess I ought to get on that.

I've been reconnecting with jude, and otherwise trying to get support and good conversation when I want them. And seeing A-- once or twice a month for awhile, and flailing my way through things with uilos and with nixve, and remembering that scathach is really damn good to talk to.

More often than not I feel like Max from Where The Wild Things Are. On a good day I can be Ryan Bingham from Up In The Air instead. I'm still inherently suspicious of words like "family" and "home." I still feel like the nuances of close relationships between equals elude me, at least when they're any more complicated than "what can you do for me?". I still go to pieces at the thought of being forgotten. I still chafe at the threat of stagnation and freeze at the threat of change.

I dunno. It was a year. More than that I can't tell from this close, through this fog.

why should I be stunned when winds begin to change
clearest skies turn slowly into rain
the leaves throw off their green
nothing new about this scene

Comments

[smcapote117.livejournal.com]

"I still go to pieces at the thought of being forgotten. I still chafe at the threat of stagnation and freeze at the threat of change."

I can empathize. I have also been trying to find a healthy balance.

[jazzfish]

It's not just balance, it's. . . being able to take some kind of /action/ one way or the other in any given situation, instead of panicking and/or waiting for the situation to resolve itself.

Ick.

[smcapote117.livejournal.com]

Excellent point... having the forethought to choose your response to create a more harmonious environment, instead of blindly reacting.