scattered, like thundershowers

[jazzfish]

The 'don't wanna be here' blues are hitting pretty hard today. I have no desire to fight with the stupid broken software that I have less than a month to write about and that I can't even get to start. All I want to do is have some fun go home and write, and rearrange the furniture in my head to let some more light in. And possibly play Civ on the Device in between. (Because what the Device really needed was a way to convince me to waste hours at a stretch, instead of just minutes.)

But, life, as PNH says, affords few such opportunities. Of even greater amusement is comment #54, which has to be read to be believed.

I'm. . . pleasantly surprised by my desire to keep writing. Must be something to it after all. If this momentum can carry me through August I'll be pleased.

From uilos, a post on anger, and depression, and how brains work, and maybe even a Higher Power that I can believe in. I keep wanting to have more to say about it than "yes, this," but. . . Yes. This.

Yeah. Feeling rather scattered today.

Comments

[vvalkyri.livejournal.com]

I need to go reread that post at some point. Thanks for the pointer. I don't so much do the anger, but I do the spinning of wheels all the time.

[lizthefair.livejournal.com]

Another thank you for the anger post. Anger is not usually how I roll but working myself up into that uncontrolled emotion place--crying, frustration etc. feels very familiar.

[jazzfish]

It's a pretty amazing, if rambling, post.

[Anger] shuts down just about every single sensory input that isn’t directly related to maintaining your anger. Anything that could possibly calm you down is stupid and obviously won’t work or solve the problem. Any memory or belief or idea that possibly indicates that your anger is irrational or short-lived is shunted out in favor of TOTAL HULKNESS FOREVER AND EVER. It’s a lot like depression.

That sums it up for me, for both anger and depression. And both of those things are very good at not letting me see what they're actually upset about, because whatever it is tends to be a deeply scary thing. ("No one will ever like me." "I can't change where my life is going.")

I don't know what to do about the 'those are the only two options' thing, because neither option is acceptable in the long run.

[jazzfish]

In the last couple years, under all the crying and frustration, I've found a surprising amount of anger in myself.

[babushek.livejournal.com]

Waiiiit. You can play Civ on the Device? Dear God. That is the best reason yet for me *not* to get one -- I would disappear into the ether never to be heard from again.

To the post, I just say...Wow.

[lizthefair.livejournal.com]

that's disconcerting, and yet, probably the healthier path. Time will tell for me I guess. Either way, thanks.

[jazzfish]

I know! I've been thinking for the past few weeks 'this horde of free lightweight games is all well and good but what i really want is something turn-based, so i can put it down when i need to, and with a bit of depth to it.' And lo and behold, they come out with what's pretty much the epitome of that type of game.

It seems to chew through battery life quickly, so I won't be playing it /all/ the time, at least. :)

[babushek.livejournal.com]

LOL! Well, they gave you everything except the "so I can put it down when I need to" bit! Just...one...more...turn!

I'm afraid the low battery life would simply make me sit with my phone plugged into an outlet. ;)

[jazzfish]

I dunno; I still don't really know what to do with anger. Other than yell at people who drive stupidly.

And, you're most welcome.