"I'd rather be . . . "

[jazzfish]

There's a song on Simon and Garfunkel's album Bridge Over Troubled Water called "El Condor Pasa (If I Could)." Its origins are kind of neat: S&G heard the song "El Condor Pasa" on a record of South American music and bought the rights to the recording, writing the "I'd rather be a hammer than a nail" lyrics to go with it. The background music you hear is the original South American recording, not studio musicians playing a transcribed version of it. (Their previous experiment in laying down a track to fit with another went in the opposite direction: "Sound of Silence" started off life as a folky guitar-and-vocal piece until some enterprising engineer laid down a drum track behind it.)

Anyway. Back on track. "El Condor Pasa" lends itself pretty well to odd extrapolations. The Great Gonzo's version started off "I'd rather be an elbow than a sneeze;" PJ O'Rourke mentioned "that horrible I'd-rather-be-a-hanky-than-a-snot song." And just last night a friend of a friend used the phrase "rather be an axle than a wheel" and, well . . .

Contest time.

What would you rather be? Submit your own lines. Winner gets a Nifty Surprise (retail value approx. $6.95) shipped to their place of residence.

Edit: The "winner" will be decided by a panel of judges consisting of clones of me. Judging criteria include but are not limited to wit, irony, and surrealism. Ties will be broken by, well, me. Open 'til sometime Friday morning; winner to be announced then. Runner-up prizes are possible but not guaranteed. No purchase necessary, except by me so I can send out the Nifty Surprise. Void where prohibited; prohibited where void. Think globally, act locally.

Edit 2: Enter as often as you like, although if you do the Laszlo thing and write in 38,000 entries I will, um, be hard pressed to think of suitable retribution.

Comments

[heptadecagram.livejournal.com]

I'd rather be a hammer than my foot.

[rikchik.livejournal.com]

I'd rather be in Cheap Trick than in Ratt.

[tango.livejournal.com]

I'd rather be a remote control than a receiver.

[ts52.livejournal.com]

I'd rather be an apple than an orange.

ps - Can we enter more than once?

[rbandrews]

I'd rather be the jester than the work.

[jazzfish]

Absolutely.

[rbandrews]

I'd also rather be the Volkswagen than the clowns.

[heptadecagram.livejournal.com]

I'd rather be a bdellvibrio bacteriovorus than a photobacterium aplysiae.

[lizthefair.livejournal.com]

I'd rather be the round-up than the chlorophyll

[vt-andros.livejournal.com]

I'd rather be the ass than the toilet.

[selki.livejournal.com]

I'd offer "I'd rather be a gourmet than a snail" except I don't think I want to eat OR be a snail. Ah! "I'd rather be a truffle than a snail"!

I'd rather be a cell phone than a wail.
I'd rather read my books in print than Braille
I'd rather be a train ride than a jail.

(yes, I'm aware your contest doesn't demand "end in 'ail' sound, but I like it that way)

Neat info on the background music, by the way. I used to have a Simon & Garfunkel tape including "El Condor Pasa (If I Could)", and I liked the flutey music and thought it might be based on some folk song.

[rbandrews]

I'd rather be a "thing to use" than a "thing to shoot".

[mikailborg.livejournal.com]

I'd rather be a turbine than a sail.

[vvalkyri.livejournal.com]

I'd rather be rock than a hard place.

And if I read your next entry right, I'm so sorry.

[uilos.livejournal.com]

I'd rather be propery capitalized than not. :)

[uilos.livejournal.com]

I'd rather be the cook than the cookie.

[mrstickman.livejournal.com]

I'd rather be a hero than a survivor.