Apr. 20th, 2020

jazzfish: an open bottle of ether, and George conked out (Ether George)
I appear to be, if not Burnt Out, then Burning Out.

I am judging this based on the fact that I very badly want to set up the TV, hook up the Wii which plays Gamecube games, and replay a couple of games that I beat ages ago (Zelda on a boat, the Metroid Prime games, maybe Eternal Darkness).

Note that I don't want to play any of the small backlog of unplayed games I've got hanging around. I explicitly want to Do A Thing which is a thing that I have done before. At a guess, what I get out of this is something along the lines of: comfort; consistency; sense of accomplishment without corresponding fear of failure; mental-sense of being in another, safer(?) time.

Bah. Work is being terrible: I've been doing the work of at least two people since the beginning of March, and for the two months before that it was 1.5 people. I lack the energy to apply for other jobs, if indeed there are any that are hiring at the moment, and if indeed I would be able to function well enough to take on a different position. I miss humans-that-are-not-Erin but I do not think I would be capable of interacting with them at present (I certainly do not have the ability to reach out, and do not appear to even be able to respond reasonably). I badly miss role-playing, which I've done zero of since ... November 2016? and I miss boardgaming, and at this point I'm not even able to indulge in gaming-adjacent activities like "playing online" or "reading rpg books". (Honourable exception for Through the Ages, whose asynchronous play keeps me going. I can generally brain well enough for five minutes at a time of taking my turn.)

... and there's a hell of a lot of other stuff just under the surface of this that needs digging through, but I certainly do not have the time and may or not have the energy.

So. Noted: today I admitted that I was burning out, yet again.

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Adventures in Mamboland

"Jazz Fish, a saxophone playing wanderer, finds himself in Mamboland at a critical phase in his life." --Howie Green, on his book Jazz Fish Zen

Yeah. That sounds about right.

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