up the down escalator
Jan. 5th, 2026 05:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jazzfishLittle movement this year.
I went to Niagara, and to Minneapolis a few times, and drove down to Washington once or twice. I went overseas and spent two weeks in France, and developed an unexpected abiding bittersweet love for Paris. The water, the stonework, the twisty streets, the light. I dunno. It was good.
Two major depressive episodes: one in February, short-lived, that threatened a replay of early 1997; one that started in September and ran through, well. It's an open question whether that one has ended, though getting on antidepressants has at least gotten me to the point of 'functional' again. As soon as the option for dental care opened up in summer I got on that, and none too soon: looks like my crown replacement will be fully covered instead of a couple of grand. Blood pressure's up somewhat. Could be ADHDrugs, could be stress, could be lack of exercise. "If you haven't got your health you haven't got anything," saith Count Rugen, and, well. Functional.
"With any luck 2025 will be the last year for a long time that I feed myself out of my seed corn." Cue bitter laughter. I have now run out of money, to the point that I expect to sell my condo in the next few months. (If I don't sell my condo then either I have found a source of income, which seems unlikely, or I have much much bigger problems.) Where I'll live is of course also unknown; depends on what landlord I can convince to take me on with no income but the ability to pay for a year of rent up-front. Meanwhile I continue applying for jobs and they continue not getting back to me. Thus is Equilibrium maintained.
Mr Tuppert is a joy except when he's being a bitey jerk. Steph is a delight but is too far away much of the time. Erin is still speaking to me, and vice versa, and I appreciate that connection a great deal. Other people are good for and to me as well.
What now? I don't do new year's resolutions, but I do sometimes notice when something's gotta give. Current situation is unsustainable; uncertain how to reorient given the degree of unsustainability and sensation of instability. I don't expect my life to look much like this by this time next year, though.
I went to Niagara, and to Minneapolis a few times, and drove down to Washington once or twice. I went overseas and spent two weeks in France, and developed an unexpected abiding bittersweet love for Paris. The water, the stonework, the twisty streets, the light. I dunno. It was good.
Two major depressive episodes: one in February, short-lived, that threatened a replay of early 1997; one that started in September and ran through, well. It's an open question whether that one has ended, though getting on antidepressants has at least gotten me to the point of 'functional' again. As soon as the option for dental care opened up in summer I got on that, and none too soon: looks like my crown replacement will be fully covered instead of a couple of grand. Blood pressure's up somewhat. Could be ADHDrugs, could be stress, could be lack of exercise. "If you haven't got your health you haven't got anything," saith Count Rugen, and, well. Functional.
"With any luck 2025 will be the last year for a long time that I feed myself out of my seed corn." Cue bitter laughter. I have now run out of money, to the point that I expect to sell my condo in the next few months. (If I don't sell my condo then either I have found a source of income, which seems unlikely, or I have much much bigger problems.) Where I'll live is of course also unknown; depends on what landlord I can convince to take me on with no income but the ability to pay for a year of rent up-front. Meanwhile I continue applying for jobs and they continue not getting back to me. Thus is Equilibrium maintained.
Mr Tuppert is a joy except when he's being a bitey jerk. Steph is a delight but is too far away much of the time. Erin is still speaking to me, and vice versa, and I appreciate that connection a great deal. Other people are good for and to me as well.
What now? I don't do new year's resolutions, but I do sometimes notice when something's gotta give. Current situation is unsustainable; uncertain how to reorient given the degree of unsustainability and sensation of instability. I don't expect my life to look much like this by this time next year, though.
Separated by decree, I was locked in little ease
I watched from my window to see if you could see me
And maybe I was lying when I said that I was fine
And maybe I was lying when I said I wasn't lying