status report: two months

[jazzfish]

I've been unemployed for two months now. Everything suddenly, as of five minutes ago at this writing, feels deeply unreal.

My table is here, though I've not used it for gaming yet. I'm doing yoga and going out biking and generally eating better than I was two months ago. I feel like I'm getting somewhere in counseling, which is always nice if sometimes painful/sad. I'm reading books and petting the cat. I'm sleeping better, but still not as much as I'd like.

Money is happening, or maybe it isn't. I don't think I'm eligible for student loans due to making too much money last year. On the other hand, I had a few hours of panic yesterday morning when I thought that I wouldn't be able to draw EI while I was in school. That seems to be inaccurate: as long as I take enough credit-hours, BCIT considers me a full-time student, regardless of the fact that I'm enrolled in a "Flexible Learning (formerly Part-Time)" program. I have a form to fill out but I have questions about it. I'll phone the financial aid office again tomorrow. There's also, I discovered just now, an education allowance for withdrawing money from my RRSP (Canadian for 401k). So that will also be helpful.

My days are slow and calm enough that when something throws me off my stride, like finding out that I might not be able to get EI if I'm in school, I can say "okay i am clearly just going to be really upset about this for some amount of time, so i'll let that happen, and once i'm done being upset i can do something about it." And then I can let myself be mad/scared for an hour or two, and then I'm calm enough to make a phone call to finaid.

I like this slow pace. I also know it's wholly unsustainable. But: I can relax and regrow capacity for a couple more months, then dive into school for a year, and then try to figure out where money for year two is coming from once EI runs out. Then hopefully a job that won't burn me out the way tech writing seems to have consistently done.

Meanwhile I'm going to Minneapolis in a few days, to 4th Street and to Steph, and that feels unreal too.

I don't know what happens next. It's nice to have the mental space to find out, and maybe the energy to enjoy it.

Comments

[okrablossom]

I am so glad you have this "slow pace" and that it's being helpful for you!

[jazzfish]

Thank you. :)

[reedrover]

I’m glad you have the time and space to cycle through your coping mechanisms properly and come out the other side ready to deal with the problem. That reads as really mentally healthy. Go you!

[jazzfish]

Thanks. :) It feels like progress, which is kind of nice. "Do not do anything immediately when plans are changing" may need to be a new mantra.