too much is not enough

[jazzfish]

Don't move don't talk out of time
Don't think don't worry everything's just fine
Just fine

Granddaddy Taylor (Dad's dad) went into the hospital around the middle of last week. Something about a screwup with his medication. Parkinson's, diabetes, and generally being eightysome years old. Friday night Dad called and said that the doctors weren't able to figure out what was going on, why he wasn't talking or moving much.

Don't grab don't clutch don't hope for too much
Don't breathe don't achieve don't grieve without leave

Dad also mentioned that Granddad had been having trouble swallowing. "Trouble" being defined as "he isn't." Granddad's got a living will that specifies "no heroic measures;" this includes a feeding tube. The phrase "keep him comfortable and hydrated" was spoken a couple of times. Dad doesn't expect Granddad to leave the hospital under his own power.

Don't check just balance on the fence
Don't answer don't ask don't try and make sense

My parents left yesterday morning, taking the long drive to Hoxie. I've not got anything resembling the vacation time built up I'd need to visit; Granddad is mostly nonresponsive; and we were never very close anyway. I believe this practice is known as "justification," or perhaps "sophistry."

Don't whisper don't talk don't run if you can walk
Don't cheat compete don't miss the one beat

Many of my fellow employees have family in India or China. For this reason the company gives something like ten days bereavement leave with pay. So I'll be able to make it back for the funeral at least.

I feel numb
I feel numb
Too much is not enough
Gimme some more

Comments

[tulip-tree.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry. There is really very little to say, but I'm thinking of you and your family.

[jazzfish]

Thank you. For all that.

[vond.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear that.

[jazzfish]

Thanks.

[selki.livejournal.com]

Many of my fellow employees have family in India or China. For this reason the company gives something like ten days bereavement leave with pay. So I'll be able to make it back for the funeral at least.

If you wanted to and felt up to it, might it help to explain the situation to get there before your grandfather dies?

Or not. I hope in this time of turmoil you're taking care of yourself.

[jazzfish]

The leave policy as explained in the handbook was contradictory, referring to 'bereavement leave' and 'three days' in one place and 'family emergency leave' in another. Turned out I was able to get off work /before/ he actually went, which was good.

Taking care of myself isn't really directly related to 'holding myself together,' but I've succeeded at the latter at least. Thank you.

[lilac-breeze.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say, other than that I'm here for you if you need someone to talk to. *hugs*

[jazzfish]

It's much appreciated. *hugs back*

[platypusgirl.livejournal.com]

here if you need someone to talk to/at.

[jazzfish]

Thank you. And hey, happy birthday a couple weeks early.

[platypusgirl.livejournal.com]

Thanks.
31 on the 31st. That won't happen again.

[kittenchan.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry :/ *hugs*

[jazzfish]

Thank you.

[vvalkyri.livejournal.com]

Eesh. I was mostly away from netaccess the weekend. Thoughts are with you and yours.

[jazzfish]

No problem. Given the other things that went down that weekend I almost wish I had been, as well. And thank you.