routine, etc

I also do not like my inability to retain focus, my tendency to get rattled by something even vaguely difficult or tricky coming up, something that might be as simple as "this problem's done, move on to the next one." ... I want my resilience back.

One of the hardest things about my previous job, for me, was the way I would log in to work in the morning and immediately have to absorb a wave of new information. Everyone else on my team worked while I slept (mostly India time, with one in Ukraine). They had a workday of talking to each other, seeing how things were falling out, and generally absorbing everything over the course of eight (or twelve) hours. From my perspective, I'd check my email every day and there'd be three new things demanding my attention, at least one of which superseded or outright contradicted something from last week.

I can roll with changes for a good long while, but it turns out that really isn't good for me as a permanent structure.

The other thing I noticed about working at BMC is that I'd developed an aversion to ... to Learning/Doing New Things. For several months I was meant to be putting together a video, and I just ... couldn't. Brain bounced off it. Couldn't get started, couldn't keep going when I broke it down into smaller tasks.

This is carrying over into classwork to some extent. It's not as strong, thankfully. But I'm noticing my reluctance to dig into certain homework assignments, even when I know they'll be pretty straightforward, just because they're not something I've done before.

Learning how to do new things used to excite me. I miss that.

My ADHD screen is in two and a half hours. I'm back to being nervous about how it will go.

On the other hand I had an actual checkup yesterday with an actual doctor (well, NP, but an Actual Family Doctor), for the first time in five years, and that went remarkably well. We talked medical history & concerns for like half an hour, which in my experience is unheard of. He's running bloodwork again and making vague 'prediabetic' noises, and booked me in for mid-November to get a weird skin thing removed.

So maybe this will be alright too.

school continues

In the summer I put together a plan for the courses I'd take. This involved taking four or five courses for each of the first three terms, fall 23 - winter 24 - spring 24, to get me through the time of no employment. Then for the second year, I'd take one course per term plus the thesis-esque "project/practicum", on the theory that I'd be working at least part-time by that point. I based the plan on the department's list of what courses would be offered when (fall/winter/spring).

On Friday the list of winter courses went up. Of the five I intended to take, three were missing. One showed up later in the day but that still left two unavailable.

I emailed the department yesterday and heard back this morning: "Unfortunately, due to technology changes they are not being offered this semester." Supposedly they'll both be available in spring. One is supposed to be anyway; I guess they'll squeeze the second one in.

It's doable. I can swap out a different course that's offered both winter and spring, and take four in the winter and five in the spring. It just doesn't really fill me with confidence that I'll be able to stick to my previously planned and workable schedule.

I am also deeply curious as to what "technology changes" is a euphemism for. Both of these courses are sequels to ones taught by my least favourite instructor this term. My suspicion, based on no evidence beyond "circumstantial," is that %&$ Rob didn't have his act together very much this term and is taking winter off to revamp his course plans for spring.

But on the bright side, the money should work out fine. Per the financial aid office my tuition deferment should go through tomorrow with no problem.

Onward.