(no subject)

Today I realised that I am not exclusively fear-of-abandonment-motivated. There's a strong responsibility-and-guilt component in there as well.

That's gonna take some chewing on. I've been looking at all my responses and reactions through the lens of "my increasingly inaccurately named abandonment stuff" for awhile now. "Guilt" as a frame makes some things make a lot more sense. And may make them more tractable as well.

So maybe, maybe, if I can get in and dismantle some of that machinery, I can get at "what i actually want". It'd be nice.