the deeds of a man in his prime
Jun. 13th, 2022 12:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jazzfishI kept a paper journal from the summer after freshman year of high school through the end of January freshman year of college. For reasons that are opaque to me, I've just finished rereading it for the first time in at least twenty years.
I do not recommend this course of action to anyone else.
Two main takeaways that I'm willing to admit to in public:
1) I was depressed, not infrequently suicidally ideating, and (in retrospect) burning out as early as second quarter sophomore year.
2) I was a walking disaster area of interpersonal relationships. And while I knew at the time that I was doing it wrong, I couldn't see what the path to doing it right was. It took me a hell of a long time and no small amount of therapy to even begin to learn my way around that.
I'm intensely grateful to the people I knew in high school who I'm still in touch with now, and sad for the connections that have fallen by the wayside.
I do not recommend this course of action to anyone else.
Two main takeaways that I'm willing to admit to in public:
1) I was depressed, not infrequently suicidally ideating, and (in retrospect) burning out as early as second quarter sophomore year.
2) I was a walking disaster area of interpersonal relationships. And while I knew at the time that I was doing it wrong, I couldn't see what the path to doing it right was. It took me a hell of a long time and no small amount of therapy to even begin to learn my way around that.
I'm intensely grateful to the people I knew in high school who I'm still in touch with now, and sad for the connections that have fallen by the wayside.