Date: 2017-01-20 12:13 am (UTC)
darkfyre_muse: (Default)
So I was sitting here trying to think of a witty way to start. Sorry I got nothin'.

Except that I have spent a lot of time on that continuum. I think its always been there. Ever since I grew out of wanting someone to rescue me. So 12? 14? I don't know, I try not to think to much about life pre-college. (That really sounds worse than it was but it did suck.)
And it is a continuum. Everything from a pretty serious plan of how and where (Spring '96) up to 'Or maybe I'll just get hit by a bus'. Usually it is just a quiet knowledge that it is a possibility.
And no, it is usually not about wanting to be dead but wanting the suck to stop.

So all that to say, you aren't alone. I don't need to ask why you didn't talk to someone because while it isn't bad advice it also is often not terribly useful and if I recall you and I have had similar experiences in the futility of that route. (Or I am remembering wrong and you are better at therapy than me.) (And yes I just failed to connect with another therapist. /blerg)

hugs.

Maybe I need to plan a trip north.
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jazzfish: Jazz Fish: beret, sunglasses, saxophone (Default)
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Adventures in Mamboland

"Jazz Fish, a saxophone playing wanderer, finds himself in Mamboland at a critical phase in his life." --Howie Green, on his book Jazz Fish Zen

Yeah. That sounds about right.

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