jazzfish: Pig from "Pearls Before Swine" standing next to a Ball O'Splendid Isolation (Ball O'Splendid Isolation)
[personal profile] jazzfish
Usually when I'm not writing here it's because I'm depressed. This time it's because I am running myself at the ragged edge of exhaustion again, and "time to write introspective journal entries" has been one of the casualties of that. Along with "much other writing," and "most boardgaming and roleplaying," and "quiet evenings at home." Viola too has dropped off to what I consider an absolute bare minimum, sometimes beyond that.

So, I mean, that's still not a good thing, but at least I'm not crushingly depressed. \o/

The current state is nonsustainable. Yay me for recognising that now, after a month and a half, rather than waiting, o, three years to figure it out. Thing is, I can sustain an unsustainable state indefinitely, I've proved that plenty of times before. I just crash pretty hard once I don't need to sustain it any more.

I've not been sleeping well since we turned the heat on, around 1 October. I genuinely don't know what's going on with that, staying asleep has rarely been a problem in the past. Lot of stuff rattling around in my head that I haven't had a chance to sort through, maybe. Not bad stuff, I don't think, just ... stuff.

In another month (ack) we'll be moved in to the new place, which will relieve a lot of the temporary stress. The scheduling stress is substantially less tractable but perhaps next year will be easier on that. Family will ... either sort itself out or not. The current round of my stupid personal issues are at least identified so that I know which buttons are being hit this time. ("Everything is connected. That's why it shorts out so often." --JMF)

And, you know. I can tell that a lot of the things the inside of my head is telling me are bullshit. Doesn't make them any quieter but I do recognise that they're the product of stress and ongoing sleep-dep, and not reflective of the actual outside world.

Onward.

Date: 2016-11-21 03:03 pm (UTC)
okrablossom: (somerville watercolor)
From: [personal profile] okrablossom
Sending hugs.

Also, family-drama-repellent-spray. [And if there's some leftover, could I have it back? Sigh.]

Date: 2016-11-21 04:23 pm (UTC)
okrablossom: (Default)
From: [personal profile] okrablossom
Wry smile.

I am instigating too :) I hadn't expected them to continue to refuse to talk about improving our relationship under the current circumstances. Ah, well.

Date: 2016-11-21 02:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sartorias.livejournal.com
You found a place? That is awesome news--in a time when even a tiny bit of good news is so welcome.

Date: 2016-11-21 05:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sartorias.livejournal.com
Very, very glad to hear that.

Date: 2016-11-21 04:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kdsorceress.livejournal.com
Could there be something in your heater/vents/system that is making it hard for you to sleep? Like dust or something?

(I have literally no experience or evidence to draw from here, I'm just curious about the mystery)

At any rate, I'm glad you're not depressed, and sorry that you're stressed. Good luck pushing forward!

~Sor

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Adventures in Mamboland

"Jazz Fish, a saxophone playing wanderer, finds himself in Mamboland at a critical phase in his life." --Howie Green, on his book Jazz Fish Zen

Yeah. That sounds about right.

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